Reviews by Author

Ooga Booga (2013)

Starring Ciarra Carter, Gregory Niebel, Wade Forrest Wilson, Chance A. Rearden, Maddox, Patrick Holder, Tom Massmann, Karen Black, Stacy Keach, Corey MacIntosh, Amber Strauser

Directed by Charles Band

Expectations: Super low.

On the general scale:

On the B-movie scale:

I went into Ooga Booga with much trepidation. I didn’t have enough faith in modern-era Full Moon films to think that a movie about a killer racial stereotype would be anything but a racist B-Movie, even after enjoying Doll Graveyard where Ooga Booga made his first appearance. Then a few days prior to release, Full Moon unveiled the “Bad Ass Dolls,” a new line of horribly insensitive and stereotypical figures as seen in the shameless pseudo-commercial within the film a few minutes into Ooga Booga. So despite the fun trailer, this series of events led me to a state of apathy when starting the film.

This fear was honestly for naught, though, as Ooga Booga is a lot more enjoyable than you would expect. The story is simple: Devin receives a large-scale Ooga Booga doll from his buddy Hambo (the drunken, kid’s show host first seen in Full Moon’s Zombies vs. Strippers). Through a strange series of events (and one fritzed-out ~~Slurpy~~ Slurshy machine), Devin and the Ooga Booga doll are one. Now he’s out to get revenge on the racists who done him wrong! Booyah!

Oz: The Great and Powerful (2013)

Starring James Franco, Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz, Michelle Williams, Zach Braff, Bill Cobbs, Joey King, Tony Cox, Stephen R. Hart, Abigail Spencer

Directed by Sam Raimi

Expectations: None. I would never willingly choose to watch this, even if Sam Raimi made it.

A Sam Raimi fan would hope that if he actually wanted to remake Army of Darkness, he’d at least do so interestingly. It’s a bit of a stretch to call Oz: The Great and Powerful an Army of Darkness remake, but there are way too many parallels between the stories to ignore. I have to wonder if these elements existed in the script prior to Raimi getting the job, or if they tailored the film to his perceived strengths; I imagine some executive yelling at a cowering assistant, “Get me Raimi! He knows fish-out-of-water stories!” Raimi’s strengths, if you were going by this movie, are first-person shots of stuff flying directly into the camera, coaxing horrible performances out of his actors, an ability to craft fun “getting stuff ready for the battle” montages, and short snap zooms (as opposed to the more prevalent long snap zoom that you might see in a Shaw Brothers movie, or more recently Django Unchained). That’s about all the Raimi directorial stamp there is on this bombastic, overstuffed mainstream offering. And yeah, I realize that this is for kids, but that doesn’t excuse it from being horrible.

Oz: The Great and Powerful is not based on any previous work, instead drawing elements and inspiration from the books of L. Frank Baum to create something of a prequel that never existed to The Wizard of Oz. We follow Oscar as he rides a tornado into Oz, finding himself smack dab in the midst of the fantastic world of Oz. Aspects of this story sort of fly in the face of what happened in the original film too, so purists will want to turn their brains off completely (or better yet, watch something else). Also, Disney doesn’t own the rights to the iconic 1939 film version of The Wizard of Oz, so they are legally forbidden from directly referencing the events of that movie or using any similar designs. This is arguably a moot point, as the designs they ended up with for the Emerald City looked close enough for me to believe that they were the same city. The rest of Oz… not so much, but when you’re making an over-the-top fantasy film in 2013, that is to be expected.

Brave (2012)

Starring Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly, Emma Thompson, Julie Walters, Robbie Coltrane, Kevin McKidd, Craig Ferguson

Directed by Mark Andrews & Brenda Chapman

Expectations: Fairly low. I’m only watching this because my girlfriend wanted to see it.

Films that I never intended to watch usually fall into two camps: the ones that reinforce my reasons for not watching them, and the ones that win me over and make me sad I didn’t see them sooner. Brave falls into both categories, as everything I hated about the trailer is still front and center here, while the simple, Disney-style throwback story got me nostalgic for the good ole days of fairy tales where every young protagonist had a run-in with an elderly witch and things went sour. Brave is definitely not a great film, but it is entertaining enough. What was most interesting to me, though, were the visuals.

Let me first state that the film looks great. The team at Pixar should be very proud of themselves, as they have reached a level of visual fidelity in 3D animation that I’ve never seen before (like just about every movie they’ve done previously). Pixar is always on the forefront of killer tech, and Brave proves that they still have many tricks up their collective sleeves.

Shaolin Wooden Men (1976)

Shaolin Wooden Men [少林木人巷] (1976)
AKA 36 Wooden Men, Shaolin Wooden Men …Young Tiger’s Revenge, Shaolin Chamber of Death, Wooden Man

Starring Jackie Chan, Kam Kong, Doris Lung Chun-Erh, Chiang Kam, Cheung Bing-Yuk, Miu Tak San, Liu Ping, Li Min-Lang, Weng Hsiao-Hu, Miao Tian, To Wai-Wo

Directed by Lo Wei (per the credits)
Actually directed by Chen Chi-Hwa

Expectations: Moderately high.

I’ve always enjoyed Shaolin Wooden Men. I generally stayed away from most of the early Jackie films during my youth, because I had grown tired of wasting money on sub-standard prints of sub-standard movies. But Shaolin Wooden Men was always one of the good ones to me, and going back to re-watch it was a great experience. I liked it more than ever, and it’s baffling to me that this one doesn’t have a better reputation. But people’s perceptions are what they are, and I won’t try to break down why they didn’t like it, I can only comment on why I did. And really, there’s so much here to like.

Shaolin Wooden Men opens in thrilling fashion featuring five masters of Shaolin sparring with Jackie Chan in a darkened room, lit only by candles. They spar for a good long while, showcasing different animal-style kung fus (and no, that doesn’t mean a messy kung fu with grilled onions, In-N-Out fans), and when Jackie defeats them all he tries his luck with the chamber of the wooden men. There’s just something about these wooden men that makes me smile, but they have the opposite effect on Jackie in this scene. He tries his best, but his best barely gets him past the first couple of wooden men. He is defeated… but then he wakes up! He is but a lowly, mute student of Shaolin, still early in his training. He has far to go before he will reach the chamber of the wooden men.

The Golden Seal (1971)

The Golden Seal [金印仇] (1971)

Starring Chung Wa, Wang Ping, Ku Feng, Yue Fung, Baak Liu, Chan Shen, Wong Ching Ho, Cliff Lok Kam Tung, Teresa Ha Ping, Fang Mian

Directed by Tien Feng

Expectations: Moderate.

If you’re a fan of the 1960s output of the Shaw Studios, and you’re looking for a later film with the same ideals and only slightly better fights, then look no further than The Golden Seal! Directed by veteran Shaw character actor Tien Feng, The Golden Seal is something of a throwback wuxia film that does as many things right as it does wrong. It’s still largely entertaining and enjoyable, it’s just that at this point in the Shaw series, films like this stand out as being much worse because of the films surrounding them. If this were made even a couple of years earlier, it would’ve been far more impressive.

The Golden Seal is not exactly about a golden seal like you might expect (and that’s an official seal for documents and such, not the animal that barks and balances things on their noses when humans throw them fish). It does kick itself off with the seal, though, as it is entrusted to its owner’s brother who is tasked with taking it and his nephew out of harm’s way. But that exact moment is when the devious Lei Zhentian (Ku Feng) busts in and starts tearin’ up the place, so the uncle and the boy sneak away in a cart. During the opening credits, said cart is driven off a dangerous cliff, but don’t worry, our heroic duo is safe. One cut later and 20 years have passed, with the boy all grown up (now played by Chung Wa) and just finishing his martial arts study under the grand tutelage of Tien Feng in a much-too-small cameo.

To Rome With Love (2012)

To Rome With Love (2012)
AKA Bop Decameron, Nero Fiddled

Starring Alison Pill, Flavio Parenti, Woody Allen, Judy Davis, Fabio Armiliato, Roberto Benigni, Monica Nappo, Alec Baldwin, Jesse Eisenberg, Greta Gerwig, Ellen Page, Alessandro Tiberi, Alessandra Mastronardi, Penélope Cruz

Directed by Woody Allen

Expectations: Moderate, but I’m always thrilled to see a new Woody Allen film.

I liked To Rome With Love more than Midnight in Paris. I thought Midnight in Paris was good and gorgeous and truly inspired, but it didn’t feel like a true Woody Allen film to me (not to mention that it wasn’t all that funny). That’s fine, as it wasn’t that type of movie, but in certain ways To Rome With Love is the Allen film I’ve been waiting for: a light-hearted, straight-up comedy with a distinct Allen feel. If I had believed the press about To Rome With Love, I would’ve missed out on an enjoyable film — good thing I never really cared about the press for Woody Allen films. To Rome With Love is filled with fun scenarios that lead to absurd bursts of hilarity, and while it is a little too unfocused between all its storylines, I didn’t much care as I was having so much fun.

Like many of Allen’s 2000s films, To Rome With Love is set in an iconic European city and it doubles as an incredible looking travel film. This time, instead of a single story, Allen decided to tell four unrelated tales. They never come together, and they never feel like they should. In fact, it’s clear that each one exists on its own timeline, as a couple of days go by in the Roberto Benigni timeline while only an hour or so passes for another of the stories. Odd as it may sound, this is never jarring at all. I do feel like the film is a bit overstuffed — perhaps three stories would have been smoother — but I’m at a loss to decide which one to cut. They all work together well in an abstract sort of way, and provide a lot of classic Woody Allen entertainment.

Stephen reviews: Battle Royal High School (1987)

BRHS Battle Royal High School [真魔神伝 – バトルロイヤルハイスクール Shinmajinden Batoru Royaru Haisukûru] (1987)

Starring Kazuki Yao, Kazuhiko Inoue, Hideyuki Tanaka, Chieko Honda, Mari Yokoo, Sakiko Tamagawa

Directed by Ichiro Itano

Despite the similar title and high school setting, this is not to be confused with Battle Royale. They are two very different stories. Battle Royal High School starts off like a martial arts film, with a protagonist that beats the crap out of a karate class and aspires to conquer every dojo in the country. But it quickly transitions to a demonic invasion and accelerates into the realm of pure absurdity.

The plot is tricky to pin down. It’s convoluted and low on explanation, but I’ll try to sum it up. Ryoudo, martial arts champion of his school, gets possessed by a demon trapped on Earth. After that, a demon hunter tries to kill him. Then add in the sudden arrival — from space, I guess — of a space-time continuum inspector who’s searching for the source of a “hyper-psycho-kinetic-wave.” He’s also tricked out with an awesome suit of robot armor. Obviously. And apparently fairies are trying to take over the world by mutating people into hideous monsters. Somehow all of that gets twisted into a plot that actually makes a good deal of sense in the end, as long as you don’t question it.