Comedy

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

Starring Jared Gilman, Kara Hayward, Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, Jason Schwartzman, Bob Balaban

Directed by Wes Anderson

Expectations: Moderately high. I’m not the biggest Wes Anderson fan.

Over the course of his small filmography, Wes Anderson has carefully honed his unique brand of sleek, hipster art design and Moonrise Kingdom may be the pinnacle of his ability to push the boundaries of the field. At least until his next film arrives. A Wes Anderson film is never mistaken for another filmmaker’s, each one bears the unmistakable attention to detail and meticulously constructed sets and visuals. So when you are somewhat indifferent to one of his films, that feeling kind of runs through all of his films. To be fair, I haven’t seen all of them (I’ve only missed The Darjeeling Limited), but I think it’s fair to assume that I’ll feel similarly about that one too.

Now having said all that, I think Moonrise Kingdom is easily one of Wes Anderson’s best films. But I still don’t really like it. It’s great, but it just ain’t my thing. For me it comes down to two things: the commendable, meticulous design and the pointed dialogue delivery his characters always use. While the perfect design is really cute and interesting to look at, I want to rebel against it. My gruff personality and my penchant for raw, ragged glory makes me want to jump into the movie and just muss everything up as much as possible. In my youth I never really understood why I felt indifferent to Wes Anderson’s movies, but this desire to destroy is definitely the main reason. It’s too perfect.

Casa de mi Padre (2012)

Starring Will Ferrell, Diego Luna, Pedro Armendáriz Jr., Genesis Rodriguez, Efren Ramirez, Adrian Martinez, Gael García Bernal, Manuel Urrego, Nick Offerman, Jerry Collins

Directed by Matt Piedmont

Expectations: Pretty high, but Will Ferrell movies are usually a thumbs down for me.

Like many of the films I review here, Casa de mi Padre is not a movie for everyone. You could arguably say that about most movies, but this movie, like any true genre film, is strictly for a select group of people. If you’re someone that’s seen a shitload of Will Ferrell comedies and loved them, then this probably isn’t your movie. But if you’ve seen some low-budget Mexican films or telanovelas and enjoyed them and you like Will Ferrell in general, then this is your movie. The comedy here is mostly subtle nods to the genre’s tropes and shortcomings, and will go over the heads of those expecting Ferrell’s usual bombastic comedy.

The story tells a tangled web of deceit and intrigue surrounding the Álvarez family. Raul (Diego Luna), brother of ranchero Armando Álvarez (Will Ferrell), returns home from the big city to introduce his fiancée to his family. From here… hmm… I’ve tried to summarize the plot succinctly for a few minutes now and have come up with nothing that could tell the story quick and dirty without spoiling many of the melodramatic reveals. So basically, Armando must defend the honor of his family from the evil drug dealer Onza. It takes a while to get around to that, but that’s basically the drive of the story.

Escape from L.A. (1996)

Starring Kurt Russell, Georges Corraface, Steve Buscemi, A.J. Langer, Stacy Keach, Michelle Forbes, Cliff Robertson, Peter Fonda, , Valeria Golino, Pam Grier, Bruce Campbell

Directed by John Carpenter

Expectations: Moderate. I remember not liking and liking this one.

I’ve never watched the two Escape films in such close proximity before, and I think this is why I never really got what Escape from L.A. was going for. I always found it a chaotic, spastic piece of fun, but all of its nuances were completely lost on me. Coming at it with a full head of Escape from New York definitely helped the film, and it made for a much more enjoyable experience than I remember it being the last time, but it still doesn’t make up for all the flaws that this one holds. It’s unfortunate in this way, because when this film is good, it’s really good fun.

1998
In the late 20th Century, hostile forces inside the United States grow strong. The city of Los Angeles is ravaged by crime and immorality. To protect and defend its citizens, the United States Police Force is formed. A presidential candidate predicts a millennium earthquake will destroy L.A. in divine retribution.

“Like the mighty fist of God, Armageddon will descend upon the city of Los Angeles, the city of sin, the city of Gomorrah, the city of Sodom, and waters will arise and separate this sinful, sinful city from out country.”

Double Dragon (1994)

Starring Robert Patrick, Mark Dacascos, Scott Wolf, Kristina Wagner, Julia Nickson, Alyssa Milano, Nils Allen Stewart, Henry Kingi, John Mallory, Leon Russom, Jeff Imada, Al Leong

Directed by James Yukich

Expectations: Not much.

On the general scale:

On the B-movie scale:

Well, it started out pretty good, but then it just kept going and going and going. Double Dragon is such a shit movie, but it’s also not without some trashy charm. I can’t completely hate a movie with any sort of martial art component, and while Double Dragon features far less actual fighting than there should be, the fights it had were entertaining enough.

As much as I’d like to say that the film follows the video game’s plot, it does not. I’m not sure if a movie opening with a girl getting punched in the stomach, slung over a shoulder and then carried off by a gang of thugs would do very well, but the following 90 minutes of straight fighting through warehouses and forests would’ve been something to see. There’s no way this team could have effectively pulled that off, but I would’ve loved to seen them try. Instead we get to revel in the gloriously awful plot they’ve cooked up for the under-10 audience and your ~~enjoyment~~ disappointment.

Death Race 2000 (1975)

Starring David Carradine, Simone Griffeth, Sylvester Stallone, Mary Woronov, Roberta Collins, Martin Kove, Louisa Moritz, Don Steele, Joyce Jameson, Carle Bensen, Sandy McCallum

Directed by Paul Bartel

Expectations: High. It’s one of the most famous low-budget movies of the ’70s! Of course I’m excited!

On the general scale:

On the B-movie scale:

Do you have a buxom beauty of a navigator sitting by your side as you read this review? No? Well, then you’re doing it wrong! That’s the only way to successfully make your way through the Annual Transcontinental Death Race! Death Race 2000 is a movie that defies all expectations and delivers pretty much non-stop fun throughout. There are moments here and there that don’t hold up as well as they would’ve nearly 40 years ago, but that’s OK; Death Race 2000 more than makes up for it with heaped-on excess and wonderful satire.

Death Race 2000 doesn’t really concern itself with setting up the world, and we’re dropped right into the race’s opening ceremonies as the film opens. We’re introduced to all the crazy drivers and their wacky cars, and instantly I realized that this was not the dystopian version of the future I had expected, where American spectators rallied around a show that glorified vehicular violence. Instead, Death Race 2000 is a dystopian version of the future by way of Wacky Races, where American spectators rally around a show that glorifies vehicular violence. It’s a fine line, but it makes a world of difference.

Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 (1994)

Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 (1994)
AKA Virgin Hunters

Starring Morgan Fairchild, Ian Abercrombie, Brian Bremer, Christopher Wolf, Sara Suzanne Brown, Michele Matheson, Don Dowe, Tamara Tohill, Laurel Wiley, Robin Joi Brown

Directed by David DeCoteau

Expectations: Pretty low.

On the general scale:

On the B-movie scale:

From the risque, James Bond-inspired opening titles, to the striptease dream sequence about 30 seconds into the film, you might guess that Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 is more softcore than sci-fi comedy, and you wouldn’t be totally wrong. Full Moon had an off-shoot company called Surrender Cinema that traded solely in late-night fare for Cinemax and the like (and this film was released by its predecessor company, Torchlight Entertainment), but despite what the jazzy porno music might make you think, this is actually a real movie. Well, one with a few gratuitous, lengthy softcore sex scenes, that is. I had previously removed the softcore films from this series as they don’t offer much traditional movie content, but Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 is definitely a worthwhile film for review.

The film opens in the year 2019, as a group of teenagers (all born in the year 2000, get it?) do their best to pay attention to their history teacher’s propaganda about how the corporation always knows best and stuff like that. But Vin can’t focus on his studies because the girl in the row in front of him has an ass that just won’t quit. He can’t stop looking at it, and he begins to fantasize about her slowly stripping for him and asking him if he likes what he sees. This leads us into the necessary component to any great sci-fi story: the reveal of what defines the world. In this version of 2019, all sex, as well as lustful thoughts, have been outlawed and all reproduction is performed via test tubes.

Bad Taste (1987)

Starring Terry Potter, Pete O’Herne, Craig Smith, Mike Minett, Peter Jackson, Doug Wren, Dean Lawrie, Peter Vere-Jones

Directed by Peter Jackson

Expectations: This is one of my favorite movies.

That’s right, four stars. No general scale, no B-Movie scale — just four stars, straight up. You might think there’s a flaw in my logic to award an amateur film such as Bad Taste a perfect score, and maybe you’re right. But to me, Bad Taste is a perfect movie. I wouldn’t change a single thing about it; I love it unconditionally. Pushing my love aside for just a second, though, the film is also an incredibly ambitious and impressive début, made all the more amazing when you dig a little deeper and discover the story of how it was made.

In his mid-20s and ready to take on the world, Peter Jackson got a bunch of his friends and workmates together to make Bad Taste. He would film it on Sunday afternoons over the course of four years, creating all the special FX himself, as well as hand-building the camera dollies, cranes and Steadicam equipment. As he says in the making-of documentary Good Taste Made Bad Taste, “Normally, if you buy a proper one, they’re about 40 or 50 grand, but this one cost about 20 bucks.” And it’s this “I can do anything” spirit, unrestricted by normal mental barriers, that typifies Bad Taste, and Jackson’s filmography overall.