Monthly Archives: November 2012

The Iron Buddha (1970)

The Iron Buddha [鐵羅漢] (1970)

Starring Ling Yun, Fang Ying, Wong Chung-Shun, Chen Hung Lieh, Yau Ching, Yue Wai, Fan Mei-Sheng, Fang Mian, Goo Man-Chung, Yen Chun, Lee Sau Kei, Go Ming, Shum Lo

Directed by Yen Chun

Expectations: High. Sammo Hung choreography is generally fastastic.

It’s always fun when I discover a more “modern” martial arts film amidst the old school wuxia. It wouldn’t be fair to call this anything but a wuxia film, but its sensibilities are definitely progressive rather than regressive, and that’s always a good thing when it comes to this review series. The Iron Buddha isn’t a great film, or even a genre great, but it is remarkably fun, high-class entertainment that will satisfy those looking for a great diversion from your normal, not-flying-around-and-jumping-fifty-feet-into-trees life.

The Iron Buddha starts off uniquely as the rapist Xiao Tianzun (Wong Chung-Shun) is caught red-handed, but let free by a merciful martial arts master who is familiar with the reputation of the rapist’s teacher. He does not leave the rapist unscathed, though, carving a deep cross on his chest to mark him as an evildoer. Three years later, Xiao tracks down the man who gave him the scar, rapes his daughter while he watches and then kills him! Without missing a beat, he then murders the man’s entire school of students, save one rather resourceful guy who happened to be away from the group. This student becomes our main character, Luo Han (Ling Yun), and he’s out for some serious revenge! Now that’s a classic kung fu setup if I’ve ever heard one!

Mini-Review: AVPR: Alien vs. Predator – Requiem (2007)

AVPR: Alien vs. Predator – Requiem (2007)
AKA Aliens vs. Predator 2, AVP2: Requiem

Starring Steven Pasquale, Reiko Aylesworth, John Ortiz, Johnny Lewis, Ariel Gade, Kristen Hager, Sam Trammell, Robert Joy, David Paetkau, Tom Woodruff Jr., Ian Whyte, Chelah Horsdal

Directed by Colin & Greg Strause (AKA The Brothers Strause)

Expectations: Moderate. I should know better, but that first one was fun.

On the general scale:

On the B-movie scale:

So y’know those ancient ruins and hieroglyphs and Predator mythology that made AVP so highly entertaining to me? Imagine a movie where they took all that stuff out, and replaced it with a bunch of small-town, human drama. Shit like “the pizza guy that’s too shy to ask the pretty girl out,” or “the distraught mother looking for her lost son and husband.” Oh, and imagine all of those sub-plots not really mattering to anything. And how about if we have the Predator play CSI by lurking around the forest for most of the movie, pouring blue goo on things to destroy evidence of the Alien (and Predalien) presence on Earth? This, my friends, is a recipe for disaster.

1023_14_screenshot — No bullshit, this is an actual screenshot from a scene in the film.

While I found it interesting to have the Predator play the role of the cleaner (and I got some amusement out of imagining Pulp Fiction‘s Harvey Keitel character, The Wolf, inside the suit), if he’s really trying to cover his tracks then why does he indiscriminately kill any human that comes upon him, stringing them up without their skin for other humans to find. He’s not on a hunt; he’s a cleaner, so why is he leaving messes? The logical side of my brain was blaring alarms constantly throughout AVPR, and while I know that this isn’t the type of movie to stand up to logical criticism, they should at least have the decency to make the stupid shit fun. But not a single moment of AVPR gave me any fun. And I say that without hyperbole — not a single moment.

There were definitely opportunities for fun, but every one of these was swallowed into the belly of the whale known as “Horrible Editing and Abysmal Lighting.” I expect a mainstream trash movie like this to be edited to hell, but AVPR is beyond awful. Coupled with what is probably the darkest and most indecipherable cinematography I’ve ever seen, we’ve got a real “winner” on our hands. If I was able to make out what was going on around the editing, the lighting — or really, the lack of lighting — made it so that I was literally unable to see anything on-screen during large sections of the film.

And honestly, I don’t even know what else to say about this piece of shit. It’s a horrible movie, with literally no redeeming qualities. The setup of the Predalien hybrid at the end of AVP was a super fun tease, but the direction this film took it in was absolutely the worst option. Watch the first one over again and spare yourself the pain of AVPR.

Stephen reviews: Fist of the North Star (1995)

Starring Gary Daniels, Malcolm McDowell, Costas Mandylor, Downtown Julie Brown, Dante Basco, Nalona Herron, Melvin Van Peebles, Clint Howard, Chris Penn, Andre Rosey Brown, Isako Washio, Paulo Tocha

Directed by Tony Randel

Now what on Earth am I doing reviewing a live-action American film, you might ask. Well, if your memory reaches back a few weeks, you might remember my review of the anime Fist of the North Star, and this is the live-action adaptation of the series, though not specifically of that 1986 film. It claims to be the first Hollywood adaptation of an anime, and in the absence of any contrary evidence, I’m not going to argue.

The use of the word “Hollywood” implies an impressive big-budget production, but that really isn’t the case. Kill Bill this ain’t. You’re also probably questioning if a live-action American film could possibly capture the spirit of an anime, especially one as absurd as Fist of the North Star. Obviously you can’t expect to see a 20-foot-tall giant turn his skin into steel and trample an entire army. And since shit like that is the main draw of the anime title, you have to go into this version with some vastly different expectations.

Ancient Evil 2: Guardian of the Underworld (2005)

Ancient Evil 2: Guardian of the Underworld (2005)
AKA Anubis: Guardian of the Underworld, Anubis: Rising

Starring Victoria Campbell, Adam Lipskey, Don Sandeen, Noel Francomano, Christopher Kann, Alex Whall

Directed by D.W. Kann

Expectations: Super low… looks so bad.

On the general scale:

On the B-movie scale:

I don’t know where to begin, or even what to write about this movie. It’s not that I’m so checked out on it that I can’t bear to think about it; it was actually OK. It’s also not that nothing worth writing about happened, because there were definitely B-Movie moments galore. I just can’t drum up the motivation necessary to pull these thoughts together into a cohesive review. The film wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I expected, nor was it especially good. Instead it fell squarely into that dreaded middle region of indifference, and when the movie in question is so obscure that no one you know will have even heard of it (or care to hear of it), it’s hard to make even myself care enough to write this damn thing. But I will soldier on and do my best.

Despite that big “Ancient Evil 2” on the headline, this is not actually a sequel to the David DeCoteau film I reviewed last week. Had it been, I’d be far more interested in it! Anyway, it is one of those lovely “sequels in name only” and the level of quality here has sunk from low-budget to the no-budget realm of shot-on-video, amateur horror. Surprisingly, this is never an issue as the filmmaking is actually of a high-enough quality that you’re focusing more on the actors and the story than how it always feels like you’re watching someone’s painful home videos.

The Descendants (2011)

Starring George Clooney, Shailene Woodley, Beau Bridges, Judy Greer, Nick Krause, Amara Miller, Matthew Lillard, Robert Forster, Patricia Hastie, Mary Birdsong, Rob Huebel, Milt Kogan, Laird Hamilton, Michael Ontkean, Matt Corboy, Celia Kenney

Directed by Alexander Payne

Expectations: High, but guarded. Trailer looked boring.

The Descendants is the type of movie I would never actively go out to see in theaters. Not only were the trailers uninteresting, from what I heard of the story it didn’t sound like it would resonate with me. Within this thought lies my wrongdoing, because not only did The Descendants resonate, the issues it deals with transcend the plot specifics of the film and work on a deep, human level. The Descendants also trades in witty, off-beat comedy and by bringing these two disparate elements together, it creates an excellent window into real life. It’s still a Hollywood-produced film so it’s not truly realistic, but the emotions expressed are real and palpable throughout the film.

The Descendants tells the story of Matt King (George Clooney) and his family’s struggle to deal with his wife Elizabeth’s boating accident. It has left her in a coma, with limited chance of survival, and Matt is having a hard time coming to terms with what that means for his life. Caring for their two daughters has always fallen on Elizabeth, so the thought of having to raise his daughters alone frightens him.

Discussion: Most Anticipated December Releases

December is always a big month for the movies. The studios in their last-ditch efforts to win Oscars are pumping out some of their best offerings of the year. While there are a whole host of likely candidates for good films, there are only three that I really care much about. The first of these is probably the most obvious to those that know me well: Peter Jackson’s return to Middle Earth filmmaking, The Hobbit. I’m unsure that The Hobbit contains enough story or is worthy of an entire trilogy all to itself, but I have faith in Peter Jackson to deliver something compelling and wholly engrossing. I’m quite interested in checking this one out in 3D too, as it will be the first major film to be released in 48 frames per second, and according to Jackson, this will change the game for filmmaking quite a bit. 24 frames per second has suited everyone just fine for over a hundred years, though, so perhaps this is just Jackson at his most Lucas-like. We’ll see, but I’m very excited regardless.

The second film is Tarantino’s latest: Django Unchained. This one I know far less about than The Hobbit, but as soon as it was announced I was on-board. While Tarantino doesn’t hold the same place in my heart that he did when I was 16 or so, I can’t deny that I still greatly enjoy his work. Inglourious Basterds was my favorite film of 2009, and I think it’s easily Tarantino’s best film as well. So that, coupled with the fact that this looks to be another great tale of revenge, leads me to be pretty sure that Django Unchained will be fucking awesome. And honestly, Tarantino had me with the title. As soon as I heard it, I knew he was making a “character name only” Django clone, just as countless Italian filmmakers had done in the wake of Corbucci’s original film, and regardless of how the actual film is, I love that he is actually did that.

But neither of these films can hold a candle to the epic excitement I have for the third film on my agenda. Part of my fervor might be because while it releases at the end of this year overseas, I have no idea when I’ll be able to see it in the US. I fully plan to pick up a Hong Kong DVD or Blu-ray of it the moment it’s available, barring some legitimate US release before that. I am of course talking about the latest Jackie Chan film: Chinese Zodiac. Billed as the long-awaited third entry in his Armour of God series, Chinese Zodiac looks to be everything Chan has promised it will be. A return to the high-stakes, stunt-filled action, Chinese Zodiac is a globetrotting movie made as one last hurrah for Jackie Chan fans. He’s directing, writing, starring and choreographing it all, just like many of his greatest films from the ’80s, and I cannot fucking wait. Bring it on, Jackie! That all being said, there are some worrisome elements, such as the presence of Oliver Platt and Kenny G in the cast, but there’s also Ken Lo so I guess we can still hope for one last battle between Jackie and a super-kicker!

So those are my picks for December releases!
What are yours?

Samurai III: Duel at Ganryu Island (1956)

Samurai III: Duel at Ganryu Island [宮本武蔵完結編　決闘巌流島] (1956)
AKA Bushido

Starring Toshiro Mifune, Koji Tsuruta, Kaoru Yachigusa, Mariko Okada, Michiko Saga, Takashi Shimura, Minoru Chiaki, Daisuke Kato, Haruo Tanaka, Kichijiro Ueda, Kokuten Kodo

Directed by Hiroshi Inagaki

Expectations: High. Can’t wait to finish the trilogy.

[Editor’s Note: There will be spoilers, although I don’t know how much spoilers come into play on this film, as it’s pretty clear from the get-go what the end result will be.]

Early on in Samurai III: Duel at Ganryu Island, Musashi Miyamoto bests a fighter dominated by physical strength by using his own strength as tempered by his calm spirit. This tells us that the journey shown in Part 2 of the trilogy was a success; Musashi has indeed become the complete swordsman he set out to become. This is reinforced throughout the film through the encounters that Musahi has, such as moments when he settles a dispute simply by catching flies with chopsticks, or his increased focus on the arts (specifically woodworking). My favorite of these clues that Musashi has attained his goal was the subtle changes in the trilogy’s bombastic theme, which takes on a more reserved and calm tempo in this film.

As the title suggests, Samurai III: Duel at Ganryu Island is mostly focused on the duel between Sasaki and Miyamoto. While the actual duel doesn’t take place until the closing minutes of the film, its shadow looms over the entire film and creates a sense of impending tragedy for the two men. We are led to believe that Musashi will handily defeat Sasaki, but Sasaki has also proven to be quite the formidable samurai. Even in the final moments, the duel is anyone’s game, and this is what makes the duel so thrilling to watch.

Monthly Archives: November 2012

So those are my picks for December releases! What are yours?

So those are my picks for December releases!
What are yours?