Mini-Review: AVPR: Alien vs. Predator – Requiem (2007)

AVPR: Alien vs. Predator – Requiem (2007)
AKA Aliens vs. Predator 2, AVP2: Requiem

Starring Steven Pasquale, Reiko Aylesworth, John Ortiz, Johnny Lewis, Ariel Gade, Kristen Hager, Sam Trammell, Robert Joy, David Paetkau, Tom Woodruff Jr., Ian Whyte, Chelah Horsdal

Directed by Colin & Greg Strause (AKA The Brothers Strause)

Expectations: Moderate. I should know better, but that first one was fun.

On the general scale:

On the B-movie scale:

So y’know those ancient ruins and hieroglyphs and Predator mythology that made AVP so highly entertaining to me? Imagine a movie where they took all that stuff out, and replaced it with a bunch of small-town, human drama. Shit like “the pizza guy that’s too shy to ask the pretty girl out,” or “the distraught mother looking for her lost son and husband.” Oh, and imagine all of those sub-plots not really mattering to anything. And how about if we have the Predator play CSI by lurking around the forest for most of the movie, pouring blue goo on things to destroy evidence of the Alien (and Predalien) presence on Earth? This, my friends, is a recipe for disaster.

No bullshit, this is an actual screenshot from a scene in the film.

While I found it interesting to have the Predator play the role of the cleaner (and I got some amusement out of imagining Pulp Fiction‘s Harvey Keitel character, The Wolf, inside the suit), if he’s really trying to cover his tracks then why does he indiscriminately kill any human that comes upon him, stringing them up without their skin for other humans to find. He’s not on a hunt; he’s a cleaner, so why is he leaving messes? The logical side of my brain was blaring alarms constantly throughout AVPR, and while I know that this isn’t the type of movie to stand up to logical criticism, they should at least have the decency to make the stupid shit fun. But not a single moment of AVPR gave me any fun. And I say that without hyperbole — not a single moment.

There were definitely opportunities for fun, but every one of these was swallowed into the belly of the whale known as “Horrible Editing and Abysmal Lighting.” I expect a mainstream trash movie like this to be edited to hell, but AVPR is beyond awful. Coupled with what is probably the darkest and most indecipherable cinematography I’ve ever seen, we’ve got a real “winner” on our hands. If I was able to make out what was going on around the editing, the lighting — or really, the lack of lighting — made it so that I was literally unable to see anything on-screen during large sections of the film.

And honestly, I don’t even know what else to say about this piece of shit. It’s a horrible movie, with literally no redeeming qualities. The setup of the Predalien hybrid at the end of AVP was a super fun tease, but the direction this film took it in was absolutely the worst option. Watch the first one over again and spare yourself the pain of AVPR.

5 comments to Mini-Review: AVPR: Alien vs. Predator – Requiem (2007)

  • I have to admit that I liked this movie. Not because it was good, but because it was so bad it doesn’t give a fuck about even attempting to be good. It seems to revel in its crappiness, which made it more enjoyable to me than the first AVP. Nice review.

    • Well, I have to give you credit for finding any entertainment out of this, although liking this better than the first one is a questionable stance, I think. You’re right on when you say they didn’t even give a fuck to make this good. You always know you’re in for a shit ride when the directors have gimmick names (The Brothers Strause, McG, etc.)

  • For a moment, I thought you’d taken a picture of my brain while watching this film, until i read the caption stating that the pic was a frame from the film itself.

    Couldn’t agree with you more about this dog turd of a thing.

    • Hahahaha, if I was able to take pictures of brains from across the world, I’d like to think I’d be doing better things with my time than reviewing shit like this. But your thoughts are correct, this movie is so bad that it actively kills brain waves so that you’re incapable of coherent thought. Dog turd is a fair assessment for sure, but I feel somewhat bad for the dog. So maybe a cockroach turd, or perhaps a Predalien turd. ๐Ÿ™‚

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