Evil Bong: High-5! (2016)

evilbong5Starring John Patrick Jordan, Sonny Carl Davis, Robin Sydney, Amy Paffrath, Mindy Robinson, Jacob Witkin, Chance A. Rearden, Rorie Moon, Circus-Szalewski, K. Harrison Sweeney, Noelle Ann Mabry, David DeCoteau, David Del Valle, Luke Hutchie, Skin Diamond, Adriana Sephora

Directed by Charles Band

Expectations: Zero. I hope to enjoy myself, though.

On the general scale:
onehalfstar

On the B-movie scale:
twohalfstar


Reviewing the Evil Bong films seems kind of pointless; if you don’t know on your own whether you want to watch the sixth movie in this franchise, you’re probably too high to operate any kind of machinery, heavy or otherwise. Yes, this latest Charles Band joint is another one that will only appeal to their most ardent fans, although I’m sure more than a few bros and doods will stumble upon it on Hulu (where it is available for free!), while looking for a movie to go with their 420 festivities.

Starting my review with, “Hey, this review is pointless!” probably isn’t one of my better decisions, but in the case of Evil Bong: High 5, it’s kind of representative of the experience. I’ll assume you’ve seen all the previous incarnations of this franchise, and therefore will be aware that multiple films in the series have used the “We’re selling stuff in a shop” script formula. Even if you haven’t seen the films, you’ve been to a store and you know the drill. Customer comes in, converses with the clerk and leaves. Repeat. I didn’t like it in Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong, I put up with it in Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong, I grinned and bore it in Evil Bong 420, but with Evil Bong: High 5 I’m drawing the line. What’s even more annoying is that many of the same customers from the other movies come in and have slight variations on their previous encounters. Sigh. I just hope Band doesn’t make the “Evil Bong Retail Quartet” into a quintet, but honestly, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what Evil Bong: 666 is going to be. I gotta be honest, these movies are so similar to one another that they all kinda run together for me. If not for my reviews to refer back to, this review would seem a lot less informed! Thanks, former self!

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Evil Bong 420 (2015)

evilbong420_1Starring Sonny Carl Davis, John Patrick Jordan, Robin Sydney, Amy Paffrath, Mindy Robinson, Sam Aotaki, Rorie Moon, Chance A. Rearden, Michelle Mais, Bobby Ramos, John Karyus

Directed by Charles Band

Expectations: Low.

On the general scale:
onehalfstar

On the B-movie scale:
threestar


Evil Bong 420 is the latest entry in the stoner comedy series from Full Moon, and despite the title’s suggestion it’s actually the 5th film in the series. If that angers you or in any way matters to you, I’d say you’re not the right kind of person to check this one out. But if you like your films trashy and stupid, you’ll find a lot to laugh at and enjoy here. In fact, Full Moon has done us all a favor and distilled this one down to a potent 53 minutes of trash (including the credits). Without any of the bullshit that usually clutters up and slows down B-Movies, Evil Bong 420 is nothing but the sweet sticky bud you’ve been jonesin’ for.

Evil Bong 420 focuses on Rabbit (Sonny Carl Davis) and the grand opening of his new bowling alley. It’s not just any bowling alley either, it’s a topless bowling alley! What that translates to in Full Moon speak is “lots of titties,” which usually also means a strip club movie (like Evil Bong) so the bowling alley was a welcome break. It also allowed for a hilarious David DeCoteau cameo, something I’m always happy to see. But don’t get too excited bowling fans, as the bowling alley doesn’t specifically matter to anything in the “plot.” Nope, Evil Bong 420 is yet another in the “some guy runs a shop and people come in” style of plot pioneered and honed over the course of the last couple of Evil Bong sequels. I gotta say, they did it pretty well this time. It feels more natural than it did in the last two films, and I think the shift to Rabbit as the main character helps a lot. The addition of a few beautiful topless women helps, too. This has long been a B-Movie tradition, and it continues to work its magic even in this technological madhouse we call 2015.

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