Assault of the Killer Bimbos (1988)

assaultofthekillerbimbos_2Starring Elizabeth Kaitan, Christina Whitaker, Tammara Souza, Nick Cassavetes, Griffin O’Neal, Jamie Bozian, Mike Muscat, Patti Astor, Arell Blanton, David Marsh, Clayton Landey, Jeffrey Orman, Eddie Deezen

Directed by Anita Rosenberg

Expectations: Low.

On the general scale:
twostar

On the B-movie scale:
twohalfstar


You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover — or a movie by its title — but I wouldn’t hold it against anyone if they did so with Assault of the Killer Bimbos. It’s just one of those titles that lets you know exactly what you’re in for, and if you venture past the “looking at the box” phase, it’s really on you if you don’t enjoy yourself. You can’t complain that you thought it would be great, because if you have high expectations going into a movie called Assault of the Killer Bimbos, well… you might be a bimbo. And I say that with all due respect.

Assault of the Killer Bimbos tells the thrilling tale of Lulu (Elizabeth Kaitan) and Peaches (Christina Whitaker), a pair of go-go dancers on the run from the law. Well, Peaches is a go-go dancer, while Lulu is a waitress aspiring to be a go-go dancer, but whatever. What’s important is that one night in the Los Angeles burlesque club where they work, a hitman named Big Vinny, who works for Dirty Louie, kills the girls’ boss, Shifty Joe. (And yes, I constructed that sentence specifically so I could include all those hilarious, dumbass and mostly irrelevant character names.) Lulu and Peaches walk in on the murder, and before they can even grasp what’s just happened, Big Vinny is pushing the gun into Peaches’ hand and running out the door. This, of course, leads everyone who comes around the corner in response to the noise to immediately accuse the girls of murder. I guess they thought nothing of the sleazy dude rushing away from the scene, but I guess if the gun’s in your hand, you shot the man.

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April Fool’s Day (1986)

April Fool’s Day (1986)

Starring Jay Baker, Deborah Foreman, Deborah Goodrich, Ken Olandt, Griffin O’Neal, Leah Pinsent, Clayton Rohner, Amy Steel, Thomas F. Wilson, Pat Barlow, Lloyd Berry, Tom Heaton, Mike Nomad

Directed by Fred Walton

Expectations: Moderate. 80s horror is usually a good time.


During the 80s, few things were more reliable than the on-screen combo of teen fornication and grisly murders. It is the go to of virtually every horror movie made during the decade (and possibly upwards of 90% of horror films made after). So imagine my surprise upon viewing the hidden gem, April Fool’s Day, which not only features the combo, but does it in some of the most graphic and near pornographic scenes ever put to celluloid.

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