Assault of the Killer Bimbos (1988)

assaultofthekillerbimbos_2Starring Elizabeth Kaitan, Christina Whitaker, Tammara Souza, Nick Cassavetes, Griffin O’Neal, Jamie Bozian, Mike Muscat, Patti Astor, Arell Blanton, David Marsh, Clayton Landey, Jeffrey Orman, Eddie Deezen

Directed by Anita Rosenberg

Expectations: Low.

On the general scale:
twostar

On the B-movie scale:
twohalfstar


You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover — or a movie by its title — but I wouldn’t hold it against anyone if they did so with Assault of the Killer Bimbos. It’s just one of those titles that lets you know exactly what you’re in for, and if you venture past the “looking at the box” phase, it’s really on you if you don’t enjoy yourself. You can’t complain that you thought it would be great, because if you have high expectations going into a movie called Assault of the Killer Bimbos, well… you might be a bimbo. And I say that with all due respect.

Assault of the Killer Bimbos tells the thrilling tale of Lulu (Elizabeth Kaitan) and Peaches (Christina Whitaker), a pair of go-go dancers on the run from the law. Well, Peaches is a go-go dancer, while Lulu is a waitress aspiring to be a go-go dancer, but whatever. What’s important is that one night in the Los Angeles burlesque club where they work, a hitman named Big Vinny, who works for Dirty Louie, kills the girls’ boss, Shifty Joe. (And yes, I constructed that sentence specifically so I could include all those hilarious, dumbass and mostly irrelevant character names.) Lulu and Peaches walk in on the murder, and before they can even grasp what’s just happened, Big Vinny is pushing the gun into Peaches’ hand and running out the door. This, of course, leads everyone who comes around the corner in response to the noise to immediately accuse the girls of murder. I guess they thought nothing of the sleazy dude rushing away from the scene, but I guess if the gun’s in your hand, you shot the man.

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Uncle Jasper reviews: Blind Fury (1989)

Blind Fury (1989)

Starring Rutger Hauer, Terry O’Quinn, Brandon Call, Noble Willingham, Lisa Blount, Nick Cassavetes, Rick Overton, Randall “Tex” Cobb, Meg Foster, Sho Kosugi

Directed By Phillip Noyce


 

Sometimes you just have to roll with your intuition. No matter how silly and bizarre your idea initially looks on paper you just gotta go on with that gut feeling, confident that there is something about it that just feels “right”. I would imagine that’s how director Phillip Noyce and writer Charles Robert Carner felt as they sat down gingerly, committing this unique slice of 80s action to celluloid.

Blind Fury is a film that once again proves just how versatile and universal the Japanese samurai film was. After the Italians made Yojimbo into a western, and George Lucas threw a little bit of The Hidden Fortress into Star Wars, I guess it was only a matter of time before we had Rutger Hauer combing American highways as a Vietnam veteran incarnation of Zatoichi, taking on the mob almost single-handedly with his walking cane which housed a razor-sharp samurai sword.

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