True Lies (1994)

trueliesStarring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie Lee Curtis, Tom Arnold, Bill Paxton, Tia Carrere, Art Malik, Eliza Dushku, Grant Heslov, Charlton Heston, Marshall Manesh

Directed by James Cameron

Expectations: High. Haven’t since this in a long time.

threestar


True Lies is an interesting entry in the Arnold filmography for me. It’s one that I watched a gazillion times on VHS in the ’90s, but since I hit adulthood I’ve never even had the urge to re-watch it. I would often think back fondly on it, but unlike something like Predator, where a primal “MUST WATCH” urge overtakes me every once in a while, I’ve never longed to see True Lies again. And now that I’ve re-watched it, why I felt this way about True Lies is readily apparent: I’ve already seen it too many times to truly enjoy it.

Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Harry Tasker, an international spy working for the Omega Branch, an ultra-secret arm of the US government focused on counter-terrorism. His wife, Helen (Jamie Lee Curtis), is completely oblivious to this, firmly believing Harry’s cover-up story that all those late nights and weekend trips are diligently spent working at his computer sales job. Meanwhile, an Arab terrorist group called Crimson Jihad is up to no good, and before too long these three main components of the film all crash together with some big ol’ James Cameron action sequences.

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Kull the Conqueror (1997)

kulltheconqueror_1Starring Kevin Sorbo, Tia Carrere, Thomas Ian Griffith, Litefoot, Roy Brocksmith, Harvey Fierstein, Karina Lombard, Edward Tudor-Pole, Douglas Henshall, Joe Shaw, Sven-Ole Thorsen

Directed by John Nicolella

Expectations: Pretty low.

On the general scale:
twostar

On the B-movie scale:
threehalfstar


I may be one of the few to ever say this, but I loved Kull the Conqueror. Perhaps thanks in part to my incredibly muted expectations, I found Kull the Conqueror to be relentlessly fun. Around every corner was something to excite and entertain, both in ways expected and unexpected. I can’t go so far as to call it a good movie, though, it’s definitely in the B-Movie camp and those inclined to scoff at these kinds of films will definitely scoff throughout Kull the Conqueror. But the movie is clearly designed to be a load of fun instead of being something hyper realistic, so when taken as such it gets the job done exceptionally well.

Our story begins in a dimly lit camp where Kull (Kevin Sorbo) is battling some dudes. We’re led to believe he’s fighting for his life, but this quickly proves to be untrue. In fact, Kull is getting jumped into the King’s elite guard, but after facing the King’s general in one-on-one sword combat, Kull is refused entry because he is not of noble birth. Meanwhile, the king is going crazy and slaughtering his children, so everyone heads over there and through some unexpected turns of fate, Kull ends up with the king’s crown and title. Say what?

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