Psychos in Love (1987)

Starring Carmine Capobianco, Debi Thibeault, Cecelia Wilde, Robert Suttile, Lum Chang Pang, Danny Noyes, Herb Klinger, Wally Gribauskas, Peach Gribauskas, LeeAnne Baker, Michael Citriniti

Directed by Gorman Bechard

Expectations: Low, but it has a funny title, so who knows?

On the general scale:

On the B-movie scale:


The ’80s were a special time for film. Low-budget cinema came to a real prominence thanks to the home video market, paving the way for fun, depraved movies like this. Psychos in Love was the labor of love of director Gorman Bechard, who shot the film when he had free weekends on the ends of film from other productions (a common cost-saving method when low-budget stuff was still shot on film). The film’s star Carmine Capobianco also co-wrote the film, composed the film’s music and helped out on the FX duties. The methods of production remind me greatly of another filmmaker’s 1987 shot-on-free-weekends film, Peter Jackson’s Bad Taste, but Psychos in Love unfortunately didn’t lead Bechard to ascend to quite Peter Jackson heights. Based on the quality of the filmmaking on display here, he should at least be something of a known quantity in the industry, instead of a largely unknown filmmaker with a few other credits to his name (two of which I’ll eventually visit on my trek through the Empire/Full Moon catalog).

So what is Psychos in Love about, you ask? Well… psychos in love, of course! Joe is a strip club owner who kills random women on the side, and Kate is a manicurist who murders random men on the side. They both hate grapes too, so naturally they get along famously and begin a serious relationship. To say any more would betray the film, as plot and narrative aren’t exactly the strong point of Psychos in Love. It’s not that what’s here is bad, it’s just very light on story. There’s a point where it feels like a traditional narrative could have naturally grown out of the introduction of a third killer, but instead of a genuine plot, it becomes merely a single scene later in the film that’s nothing more than funny.

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Mutant Hunt (1987)

Starring Rick Gianasi, Mary Fahey, Ron Reynaldi, Taunie Vrenon, Bill Peterson, Mark Umile, Stormy Spill, Doug Devos, Warren Ulaner, Mark Legan, Asie Kid, LeeAnne Baker

Directed by Tim Kinciad

Expectations: Low, but I hope for some good B-Movie fun.

On the general scale:

On the B-Movie scale:


Mutant Hunt is another Tim Kincaid joint that delivers on the promise his previous films Breeders and Robot Holocaust built up: shitty plots with shitty acting. Where Breeders had little to redeem itself (unless ridiculously gratuitous nudity or women bathing in alien cum is your thing), Robot Holocaust was actually enjoyable in its shittiness. Thankfully, Mutant Hunt continues the upward trend and is easily the most enjoyable Tim Kincaid movie I’ve seen yet. That’s not to say it isn’t a piece of shit though.

I’m really not capable of summarizing the plot of Mutant Hunt. I seriously zoned out every time the characters spoke; my mind compelled me to think of something else every time they started speaking, something of a fail-safe system I guess. What I was able to pick up between battles with my mind dealt with an evil genius with a bunch of cyborg mutants that have been given a drug that makes them find pleasure in killing a human every six hours. After one robot mutant rips the head off of another (the movie has my full attention at this point), the fleet of mutants goes out on the street to kill some mortals. Somehow a few people band together to hunt said mutants, but I was unable to grasp why or how they were connected to the story overall. I know they were at some level, but like I said, I couldn’t fight that fail-safe on my brain.

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Necropolis (1987)

Starring LeeAnne Baker, Michael Conte, Jacquie Fitz, Andrew Bausili, George Anthony-Rayza, William K. Reed, Paul Ruben, Gy Mirano, Letnam Yekim, Anthony Giola, Jett Julian

Directed by Bruce Hickey

Expectations: Super low, this one looks bad despite a promising poster.


For most people, Necropolis would be one of the worst movies they’ve ever seen. They’re not wrong, this shit is bad, but for anyone well-versed in low-budget trash cinema, Necropolis is far from the bottom of the barrel. What makes Necropolis marginally worth watching is some great lines of unintentionally hilarious dialogue, some serious WTF moments, and one scene that defies them all and will stick with you for all-time. What image could possibly have this power on the human mind? If you said a woman who spontaneously sprouts four extra breasts (for a grand total of six!) and then breast feeds her brood of black-hooded, Satan-worshiping zombies, you win a prize! Suck on that Total Recall!

Necropolis opens in the 1600s as a young couple walks down the aisle on their way to a happy marriage while a Satan-loving, lace-wearing witch performs a dark ritual in the woods, infusing energy into an effigy of the bride-to-be by doing your basic seductive striptease in front of a giant pentagram on the wall of the cave. It’s a pretty strong B-Movie start for sure, and you might be lulled into a false sense of security when the film quickly transitions to the 1980s by fading from the witch pulling a bloody cross from her midsection and intimidating the witch hunters with it, to a shot of the witch (now with short ’80s hair) on a fire-engine red motorcycle. Don’t drop your guard, though, as some dangerous waters are afoot!

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Breeders (1986)

Starring Teresa Farley, Lance Lewman, Frances Raines, Natalie O’Connell, Amy Brentano, LeeAnne Baker, Matt Mitler, Adriane Lee

Directed by Tim Kincaid

Expectations: Moderate. The poster looks awesome.

On the general scale:
onestar

On the B-Movie scale:
twostar


If I had noticed that this was a Wizard Video release prior to sitting down with it, I might have tempered my moderate expectations a bit. The only release of theirs I’ve reviewed so far was the god-awful trashfest Dreamaniac, so after the opening titles I had flashbacks to the boring mess that was that film. Thankfully, Breeders isn’t quite as bad, but it’s nowhere close to good either.

In what is probably the most impoverished story yet in our horrific October, an alien is under the city raping virgins. That’s literally it. There’s a doctor and a cop trying to figure out what is going on but they don’t have a fucking clue and neither does writer/director Tim Kincaid. After doing some research, I learned that Mr. Kincaid, in addition to directing a couple of science fiction B-Movies, is primarily a homosexual porn director. You never would have guessed it from the footage taken in Breeders though, as it features hands down some of the most gratuitous female nudity of all time. Whenever nudity comes around in any film, I always find myself questioning it and wondering if it is necessary or gratuitous. The debate only raged for about a second on this film, as it is clearly exploitative. Does every girl in the city strip nude when they arrive home? They do in this movie! The film ends with all the nude women writhing in an alien pool of white goo (symbolism?) for about the last five minutes of screen time. No shit.

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