Doll Graveyard (2005)

dollgraveyardposter6Starring Jared Kusnitz, Gabrielle Lynn, Kristyn Green, Anna Alicia Brock, Brian Lloyd, Scott Seymour, Ken Lyle, Hannah Marks

Directed by Charles Band

Expectations: Moderate. The puppets look interesting, but this is from the same year as the horrid Gingerdead Man.

On the general scale:
twostar

On the B-movie scale:
threestar


Doll Graveyard has perhaps one of my favorite and most fucked up setups in all of the Full Moon catalog. It’s also pretty implausible in the way that it turns into a horror movie, but that doesn’t really matter because it’s fun. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: fun overrides nearly everything in a low-budget movie. There are cases where the negative aspects are too overwhelming, but in Doll Graveyard the fun wins out easily. You can actively feel the point in the movie where the battle between good sense and fun collides, but thankfully Charles Band knew to keep this one short and sweet, so we’re in and out in about 71 minutes (12 of which are opening and closing credits).

So what’s that setup I started telling you about? Well, Doll Graveyard opens with a little girl playing with some exaggerated stereotype dolls in the entryway to her house. She’s got the full set: Ooga Booga, the African tribesman complete with a bone through his nose; a german soldier I took to calling “The Kaiser”; a shriveled-face, haunted looking samurai; and a porcelain baby doll. The girl breaks a vase and her father comes down the stairs, immediately verbally abusing her for playing in an area she’s been forbidden to play in. He takes her into the backyard and makes her bury her dolls. But here’s the kicker: the girl slips and falls into the hole she’s dug, hitting her head on the way down, and the father coldly looks at crumpled body and fills in the hole!

Continue reading Doll Graveyard (2005) →

The Haunted Casino (2007)

The Haunted Casino (2007)
AKA Dead Man’s Hand, Dead Man’s Hand: Casino of the Damned, Ghost Poker

Starring Scott Whyte, Robin Sydney, Wes Armstrong, Michael Berryman, Kristyn Green, Sid Haig, Jack Maturin, Jessica Morris, Lily Rains, Kavan Reece, Bob Rumnock, Rico Simonini

Directed by Charles Band

Expectations: Moderate. I have a feeling it won’t be pretty though.

On the general scale:

On the B-Movie scale:


Modern day Full Moon movies can be lumped pretty easily into two categories. The first is the overtly exploitative: movies filled with nudity, inept writing and a general lack of horror. The second category is the overly talkative “Full Moon Soap Opera,” where a group of people find themselves stuck together and instead of anything meaningful happening, they just bicker and whittle away the film’s runtime. The Haunted Casino belongs to the second group, but unlike a lot of other films in the category, it actually delivers a lot of fun at its climax, and the talky parts are far more enjoyable than usual.

Matthew has inherited his uncle’s derelict casino, so he takes his girlfriend and four of their friends to check out the building. Unknown to them (but who wouldn’t see this coming), Matthew wants to stay the night in the casino and have all his friends help him clean it up. Matthew has dreams of renovation, but instead they all get a night they’ll never forget!

Continue reading The Haunted Casino (2007) →

Evil Bong (2006)

Starring David Weidoff, John Patrick Jordan, Mitch Eakins, Brian Lloyd, Robin Sydney, Kristyn Green, Tommy Chong, Michelle Mais, Jacob Witkin, Kristen Caldwell, Phil Fondacaro, Tim Thomerson, Bill Moseley, Brandi Cunningham, Dana Danes, Gina-Raye Carter, Sonny Carl Davis

Directed by Charles Band

Expectations: Low, subterranean even. I expect nothing.

On the general scale:
twostar

On the B-Movie scale:
threestar


Bro, just the fact that I can write anything positive about a movie called Evil Bong is something of a miracle. As much as I love Full Moon movies, what I’ve seen of their recent output hasn’t been their best by any means, so I went into Evil Bong with a distinct trepidation. I’m sure the lowered expectations helped me in the long run, but after watching Evil Bong, it seems like all the pile-of-shit movie dread wasn’t warranted. Against the odds, Evil Bong is actually pretty enjoyable.

Continue reading Evil Bong (2006) →

Subscribe via Email!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,584 other subscribers

Ongoing Series

Top Posts & Pages