Galactic Gigolo (1987)
AKA Club Earth

Starring Carmine Capobianco, Debi Thibeault, Frank Stewart, Ruth Collins, Donna Davidge, Michael Citriniti, Tony Kruk, David Coughlin, Angela Nicholas, Barry Finkel, Todd Kimsey, J.E.L. Gitter, Don Sirasky, Bill Gillogly

Directed by Gorman Bechard

Expectations: Moderately high.

On the general scale:

On the B-movie scale:

After a few weeks off from the Full Moon series, I wanted to come back with a bang — an intergalactic bang! Galactic Gigolo tells the story of Eoj, a traveler from the planet Kroywen who won a two-week trip to Prospect, CT (AKA “The Horniest Town in the Galaxy”). Its reputation is apparently legendary universe-wide. Eoj is a broccoli on Kroywen (which is populated entirely by sentient vegetables), but thankfully he has the ability to transform himself into anything imaginable while visiting Earth. For his trip to Prospect, he chooses the form of “The Loveable Sleaze-oid” (Carmine Capobianco) and creates quite the stir upon his arrival.

Contrary to what that plot description might lead you to believe, Galactic Gigolo is not a heartfelt, emotional drama. I know… hard to believe. No, Galactic Gigolo is a dumb, stupid, low-brow sex comedy, and I mean that in the best way possible. Galactic Gigolo knows exactly how wild and absurd its premise is, and it revels in that. Therefore, it can be a bit disconcerting if you’re not ready for it. Even if you are properly prepared, it’s still not as funny as it thinks it is, but it’s all in good fun, and it’s definitely the best space-faring sex comedy about a shapeshifting broccoli that I’ve ever seen. The climax is a series of Three Stooges style gags and a bunch of pies to the face, so that should tell you right there if the movie is right for you.

When Eoj lands on Earth, he quickly attracts the attention of a few factions, all looking to use him for their personal gain. First are the Jewish Rednecks. Yes, you read that right. They see Eoj right after he lands and immediately give chase. I’m still unclear exactly what they wanted from Eoj, but I think they just wanted to “Git ‘im!” The second interested party is a group of small-time mobsters, led by a young Michael Citriniti. They want to use Eoj’s shapeshifting ways to help them rob banks. Next, we have Hildy and Waldo, a reporter and her photographer who make a deal with Eoj to write a book about his stay on Earth. And finally, of course, there’s the buxom babes who throw themselves at Eoj’s feet, hoping to experience his broccoli penis for themselves. Eoj takes all comers, as long as they’re from Prospect, of course. There are strict regulations for his visit to Earth, thanks to the last Kroywinian to visit (read: Elvis).

Even with all of these elements (working together and independently), it still feels like the film is lacking a central narrative drive. But I guess in this way it’s like any good vacation. Eoj is looking to relax, so the movie reflects his easygoing nature. And with a comedy as dumb as this, a true plot would probably only just get in the way of the fun. What’s here is sufficient, it entertains, and at times it’s pretty funny. You can’t ask for a lot more than that from a low-budget ’80s sex comedy, especially one as high-concept as this.

I did have fairly high expectations for this one, based on my love of director Gorman Bechard’s previous film, Psychos in Love. I found that film incredibly well-made and funny for an amateur film, so I expected great things for Galactic Gigolo. Unfortunately, it does not live up to that kind of hype, but removing that from the equation, the film does stand on its own as an absurd comedy. This definitely isn’t a film for everyone, or even most people, but I’m sure there’s more than a few people out there that would agree with one of the Jewish Rednecks who says, “This is some prime shit!”

Galactic Gigolo might not have been everything I hoped it would be, but I have to appreciate the imagination and courage needed to see a project as strange as this to fruition. There’s more than a few great ideas sprinkled throughout, and a lot of ’80s titties if that’s your thing.

Well, Michael Citriniti is telling me to cut the frabba-jabba, so I’m gonna cut the frabba-jabba and end this review.

I’m trying! Just let me finish.

OK, if you like low-budget, sci-fi themed, ’80s sex comedies, then Galactic Gigolo is pretty entertaining. Just go in with the right mindset (switched to OFF), and you’ll have a good time.

Next time on Full Moon Tuesday, I’ll be checking out the most recent Moonbeam flick to hit Redbox, the 1999 film Shapeshifter (released there as Shifter). See ya then!