This week on the Silver Emulsion Podcast, Stephen and I talk about another kick-ass Tony Jaa movie: 2005’s The Protector (Tom Yun Goong), directed by Prachya Pinkaew! Protect your elephant friends and enjoy! 🙂
Watch The Protector (Tom Yun Goong) along with us on Blu-ray, DVD, iTunes (US Version only), or Amazon Prime Video (US Version only)!
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Music NotesIntro:
Outro:
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Hi guys! I just revisited The Protector again and have to say this, because it’s the first occurrence in film history and a landmark moment in cinema and it’s something that can’t just be glossed over. You briefly mentioned it in the podcast, but after a solid week of research, I’ve discovered this is indeed the first time this happened in cinema history and needs to be credited with moving the art forward:
A beefed up wrestler throws a fucking baby elephant through a window.
For all of you film historians and cinephiles, take note. The Protector is the first film that an elephant gets shotputted through a fucking window by a fat-necked beefcake! For no reason whatsoever! Hahaha! The icing on the cake is that this brute has zero amount of remorse for what he just did. Because after he sends the elephant airborne, crashing through glass, he screams in achievement and he flexes! I don’t think there’s been a meaner man in movies! That’s one of the many gems throughout this fantastic ridiculous flick! And this was directly after the bone-breaking scene, which may rank Number One on my list of “Holy Shit Moments in Nutty Action Movies” list.
For some backstory and SPOILERS, Tony Jaa grew up loving his elephant friend. For like 30 years it’s been his best friend, loyal companion, and training partner. And in a beautiful montage, we see them bond, a baby elephant joining the family, and it’s super cute! 😀 Then one day some thugs kidnap his elephants! Those bastards! So Tony Jaa traverses Thailand and Australia, repeating his “Where’s my elephant?!” line 378 times. He first kicks the piss out of some old fart who’s singing karaoke and within two minutes he’s launching a speedboat through a helicopter. I like how Stephen pointed out “That escalated quickly” because it did! Next, he’s framed as a murderer or some shit, then he fights a fucking rollerblading gang, then he climbs four stories in one tracking shot, basically murdering people to stumble upon an illegal animal trafficking restaurant hideout! This fucking movie is ridiculous, but boy it delivers! Then he fights a capoeira guy who gets kicked in the dick mid-cartwheel, then a Wushu dude who gets his chest broken by gong sticks, then fights a 9ft wrestler who shoulder blasts little Tony across the room in a burning building! All to find his elephants! This insanity carries on for the first 99 minutes!
Then fuck…
He finally, FINALLY finds his friend and loyal buddy stripped to the bones. Murdered. As insane as this movie has been thus far, this was shocking! After everything Tony went through, after all of the beatings he took, after searching two countries…his finally finds his friend dead. It’s painful. Tony breaks down and cries for 8 minutes while tuxedo goons repeatedly beat the shit out of him as he stares at the bones of his friend and a little montage plays of them growing up together, reminiscing over his fallen friend and companion. The final stab in the gut, is Tony gets stabbed in the gut. The mourning phase is over. What follows is the most violent outburst I think I’ve ever seen. These fucks that were beating Tony get their fucking legs snapped in half, gets their ankles snapped sideways, get their elbows broken, and spines snapped. Does it end there? Is Tony satisfied? Fuck no! In runs approximately 50 people who get their dicks broken, shoulders dislocated, necks twisted, knees broken inward, shit pushed in, groins stretched, and then more goons rush in! Then more! THEN MORE! All of them, broken like potato chips! It’s the most fucking orgasmic release of rage and violence and revenge in the most brutal fashion that I’ve probably ever seen. This is why it’s probably my number one “Holy Shit Moments in Nutty Action Movies”.
I fucking love animals. I fucking cringe at broken bones. There’s something about combining the two that makes The Protector such a ridiculously satisfying movie. I can go on about this flick forever! I mostly just covered one scene! Haha! But this shit is already way too long. So I’ll wrap it up.
My Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆☆ out of ☆☆☆☆ (Six stars out of Four. Fuck it.)
Keep up the wonderful work gentlemen! Tony Jaa-nuary was a treat!