Directed by Amir Shervan
Expectations: Oh I fully expect a golden, wonderful piece of shit.
On the general scale:
On the B-Movie scale:
PURE. FUCKING. AWESOME. Can you tell I loved Samurai Cop? Oh man, where do I begin? This movie surpassed all expectations I had and promptly found a place beside shitty favorites such as Laserblast and Mac and Me. It’s always a joy to find a pure gem of cinematic trash like this, and Samurai Cop is like the Dom Perignon of trashy action flicks. Literally everything in this movie is done poorly and wrong, but it’s just this quality that means that literally everything is perfectly right. This is the kind of cult movie favorite that only a truly gifted individual could pull off. Like Lawrence of Arabia, or Troll 2, Samurai Cop is a movie so pure in its vision that it transcends the simple label of entertainment and becomes an art form. Samurai Cop is pure fucking awesome and you need it in your life.
I honestly didn’t keep track of the story as the film went along, as the film wasn’t too concerned with keeping track of it either. There’s a Japanese gangster who’s mad at some other gangsters and causing mayhem in the streets. The police force brings in their specialist, a man known as
Joe Samurai to take on these katana-wielding fuckers. And that’s pretty much it. The cops chase the bad guys and shoot their guns. Next scene: the bad guys hunt down the cops and shoot their guns. Repeat. It’s fantastic. Samurai Cop is nothing but pure, unfiltered 80s, opening with a pair of undercover cops trailing a GMC van to a cocaine deal on the marina. I believe most everything of note in the 80s happened on the docks of a marina. Isn’t that where Reagan held the press conference to tell Gorbachev to tear the wall down?
“Shoot! Shoot him! Ah, ya got ‘im.”
“Yeah, I got the bastard.”
But the crowning achievement in writing goes to the scene in which Samurai tells the Japanese gangster to his face exactly what he thinks of him. It’s one of the most enjoyable scenes I’ve seen since the endlessly entertaining “Oh my God!!!!!” from Troll 2. Daniel Day-Lewis may have won the Best Actor Oscar that year for his work in My Left Foot, but clearly it was a case of the Oscar voters just not seeing Matt Hannon’s tour de force performance in Samurai Cop. I could watch this clip on repeat all day long and still laugh at it, and in fact I’ve already watched it a few times just over the course of writing this paragraph.
This movie has it all. Gun fights. Knife fights. Sexy nurses. Erotic love scenes. Male Speedos. Barking Police Captains. A token Black partner. Martial arts. Katanas. Automatic weapons. Drug deals on a marina dock. Robert Z’Dar’s massive jaw. A hero that looks like Stallone, if Stallone was a brunette Fabio (so basically Stallone in Rambo II). Dismemberment and decapitation. Torture by scalding-hot, uncooked eggs. Birthday cake. Japanese gangsters. Tight, black tank tops. The list goes on.
There are some that would instantly write a movie like this off and call it worthless, but that is completely missing the point. Samurai Cop is designed to entertain and it succeeds so completely at that goal that any insults hurled at it are null and void. I can’t really ask for more from a low-budget, late 80s action film; this is Grade-A shit designed purely for your enjoyment. It’s a hoot and any self-respecting B-Movie lover would be doing themselves a supreme favor by watching this one.
I’ll leave you with one more quote from this gem:
“Officers! If you have anything against me, then book me! Otherwise, as they say, get the hell out of my face!”
This isn’t an official trailer, but it’s the best I could find and does a great job of summing up the film.