Starring Caitlin Wachs, Ron Perlman, Mark Feuerstein, Emmanuelle Vaugier, Bill Dow, Chad Krowchuk, Graeme McComb, Benjamin Rogers
Directed by John Carpenter
Expectations: Moderate. Carpenter’s other Masters of Horror episode was pretty fun.
If Cigarette Burns was a good Carpenter attempt at episodic TV, then Pro-Life is an excellent one. It’s quite possible you won’t agree with me, but I found this to be easily one of the most enjoyable and exciting episodes of Masters of Horror yet. If you feel very strongly one way or the other on abortion this episode might bother you, but in the name of good horror fun, I say divorce yourself from the issue and allow the episode to run its course. The entire film revolves around a pregnant teen and an abortion clinic though, so it’s fairly hard not to think about it during the movie!
As the film opens it seems like it might be a simple horror take on the abortion issue, and in a way it is, but as the movie progresses it continues to grow darker and more other-worldly. For me personally, this was exactly the right move to take with this one and my enjoyment just grew and grew as the film went on. The ending is something of a WTF moment, but it works, and I can’t complain too much after being as entertained as I was throughout the film.
John Carpenter’s son Cody once again provides music, and this time it’s not so reminiscent of his father’s scores, but I mean that in a good way. Sure, it has the signature synths and piano that Carpenter is known for, but the melodies never reminded me of Carpenter’s fantastic scores of the past. This is a curse and a blessing as the music sometimes has a very generic horror feeling, but when it’s good, it’s fantastic. As the episode moves along, the tension rises and the percussion-driven synth score rattles on, rarely letting up its incessant rhythm. It works so well in heightening the mood and the tension, and coupled with his father’s eye for editing, it’s brilliant.
While the film is contained within one building, Carpenter splits up the players into groups and then cuts between their stories. They all begin the film together, but as it moves along, certain events force them apart. This leads to some of the best cross-cutting I’ve seen in a while, with each scene bursting with tension, leading into another equally exciting scene. They stack on top of one another as the thrills and the horror builds with them, all scored with the incessant synth percussion.
I’ve kept the plot of this one fairly vague because it’s just too much fun to spoil. The acting has a shit-ton of faults and some of the writing is equally groan-inducing, but the skill of John Carpenter and some killer FX from KNB help make this one of the best episodes of the series. It ventures into fantastically fun 80s camp territories that I haven’t seen outside of an 80s film in a while, and at the same time Carpenter shows incredible restraint in certain moments, keeping the film from being the bullshit torture porn a lesser director might make it. For these facts alone, it is worthy of my seal of approval, but don’t just take it from me. Give it a shot!
Starring Norman Reedus, Udo Kier, Gary Hetherington, Chris Britton, Zara Taylor, Chris Gauthier, Douglas Arthurs, Colin Foo, Gwynyth Walsh, Christopher Redman, Julius Chapple
Directed by John Carpenter
Expectations: Moderate. I’ll admit it, I am excited to see this. John Carpenter and me go way back.
John Carpenter is a special director to me. During my film snob period, John Carpenter was one of the few genre filmmakers able to cut through my bullshit. His confidence and grasp on storytelling was powerful enough to impress despite the issues a teenage film snob might have. Films like Assault on Precinct 13, Halloween, They Live, Big Trouble in Little China. Christ, the man knows how to get the job done and make it fun as hell. So going into this episode of Masters of Horror, I hoped that Carpenter would coming out firing on all cylinders.
Cigarette Burns is a film about films, one of the hardest types of films to pull off successfully. This is because as a self-aware film, it brings itself into our world and out of the realm of fantasy. Our touchstones are their touchstones. Carpenter is quick to establish that this is still fantasy though, when he reveals a pale-skinned, inhuman freak chained to a wall in the house of a billionaire. The rich man wants our hero (Norman Reedus) to hunt down a print of a rare film only ever shown once. When screened for the festival audience, the people went into a murderous frenzy, creating a cinematic myth for the ages. The man chained to the wall isn’t as key as you might think, but the early revelation about him changes the experience of watching Cigarette Burns and, at least for me, separates the film from our world. A parallel universe, perhaps.
Starring Henry Thomas, Matt Frewer, Stacy Grant, Jake D. Smith, Michael Curtola, Katharine Horsman, Paul Wu, Leah Graham, Lucie Laurier
Directed by Mick Garris
Expectations: Low. I’m not expecting anything from this series unless it’s a director I highly respect and I haven’t seen enough of Mick Garris’s films to really respect him.
Respectable and well made, Chocolate is a great entry into the Masters of Horror series. Director Mick Garris proves that he’s worth checking out, showing a great sense of suspense and careful plotting. Of his other films, I’ve only seen Sleepwalkers: a fun, if forgettable, early 90s horror romp. Garris loves Stephen King and has directed numerous adaptations of his work so I was surprised he didn’t go down the King path here as well. Chocolate is based on Garris’s original short story, adapted by Garris himself, making for one of the best written and filmed episodes of the series yet.
Starring Henry Thomas (Elliott from E.T.) as an artificial flavor chemist, the film follows him as he begins to have strange sensory losses. It all starts with the taste of bittersweet chocolate in his mouth as he wakes from sleep. As with any mysterious story, the unraveling is the fun, so I’ll leave the synopsis at this. The story does progress is ways you wouldn’t expect, culminating in a fitting finale. My only beef is that the ending itself is somewhat weak, garnering a “That’s it?” and a shrug. It’s not a big concern, as what happens after the fade to black is obvious, but it is a bit jarring. I respect Garris for not completely hand-holding the audience though, and allowing their intelligence to fill in the final blanks.
One of my big issues with the Masters of Horror series may seem strange upon initial reading. Whenever a woman appears in one of these films, it’s nearly a forgone conclusion that at some point during the film, she’ll be nude on-screen. For instance, in this episode there are four women with speaking parts and two of them have extensive nude scenes. One of the others takes her shirt off to reveal a bra, and the other is wearing something close to lingerie in her only scene. See what I’m talking about? While the reckless adolescent side of my brain enjoys this facet of the series, having every female sexualized to this degree is utterly ridiculous and demeaning. I’d love to see what a female director would do with this series, but in addition to female directors being scarce, female horror directors are in even more short supply. I know that horror is something of an adolescent genre aimed at males, and that these paid cable shows like to push whatever envelope they can simply because they can, but I’d like to see gore and nudity used in service of the story, not to drive ratings. I will say that the gore in this episode was excellent and absolutely in service of the story.
Chocolate isn’t a traditional horror picture, instead it’s more psychological as Henry Thomas slowly loses grip on his senses. The story is interesting and engaging, but still feels somewhat padded to make the one-hour mark. A little tightening would have done some good, but given the general quality of this series, I’ll take what I can get. I really enjoyed Chocolate and it gives me hope that Mick Garris’s other films will be as well made.
Starring Steven Weber, Carrie Anne Fleming, Brenda James, Harris Allan, Beau Starr, Laurie Brunetti
Directed by Dario Argento
Expectations: Low. I’m still interested in Argento, but he’s done me wrong more often than not.
Jenifer is an interesting Masters of Horror episode, and certainly a good one when compared to the usual quality of these, but what really holds it back is its ridiculously predictable storyline. Literally within the first few minutes I had already guessed (correctly) how the story would end. This makes the task of watching Jenifer a bit of a pointless endeavor, but at least it’s respectably well made, something I can’t say for every episode of the series. For obvious reasons, I’ll refrain from relating any of the plot, as knowing anything would spoil the whole thing.
Jenifer is arguably the best looking Masters of Horror episode yet, featuring none of the visual jank and cheap CG art that has cropped up in varying degrees in every previous episode. The cinematography is nice and the shots are mostly interesting. I also didn’t get the claustrophobic feel that most of the other episodes gave me. The only computer imagery I noticed was a fly bothering two men while eating in the opening moments. Everything else was realized in the real world by KNB FX in stunning, graphic detail. This episode probably has the most graphic gore I’ve seen in the series so far, with severed torsos, entrails and chopped up bodies showing up often. It all looks incredibly convincing and horrific, but because I didn’t care much for the characters, it wasn’t particularly effective in scaring or creeping me out. At the end of the day, gore is great, but I want some story to go with it. That being said, I welcome a fun gorefest with only a modicum of story. Key word being fun.
In addition to the thin story (it was adapted from a ten-page comic), some of the dialogue and the accompanying acting are as horrific as the gory visuals. It’s not enough to keep anyone away or make me think of Troll 2, but it is enough to yank you out of the scene, perhaps eliciting a groan and a loss of respect for the film. It does feel like an Argento film though, even without Goblin and his trademark first-person POV shots. There is one track of the musical score that’s highly reminiscent of Goblin’s Suspiria score when a child’s voice and tinkly bells punctuate tender moments, but everything else is pretty standard horror music.
According to the World Wide Web, Jenifer was the only aired episode of the Masters of Horror series that had to be edited for release. Two scenes were cut, both revolving around perverted depictions of oral sex. I haven’t seen the footage that was cut (it was later released on the DVD), but I find it somewhat disturbing that there are no issues with a child’s severed torso being furiously devoured in stunning realism, but somewhat graphic depictions of sex are taboo and strictly forbidden. I’m sure the footage was unnecessary (I certainly didn’t feel the movie required it), but it just strikes me as an interesting balance of priorities that the American censors have.
Jenifer isn’t anything spectacular because of its story issues, but it is well made and Argento fans should definitely give it a spin. Don’t expect anything special, but from what I gather, most of his late period stuff is like that. Oh well… at least it was better than the awful Four Flies on Grey Velvet.
Starring Jonathan Tucker, Jessica Lowndes, Ryan McDonald, Marilyn Norry, Lucie Guest, Robert Englund, Emily Anne Graham, Genevieve Buechner, Margot Berner, Sharon Heath
Directed by Tobe Hooper
Expectations: Low. This one just looks shitty.
So far Showtime’s Masters of Horror is following an “every other” pattern, where every other movie/episode is shit. I’m only three shows in though, so perhaps it isn’t fair to call it a pattern. In any case, I had all kinds of red flags before I even began watching this one. I haven’t seen a lot of Tobe Hooper’s films, and what I have seen has all been drawn from his early work: Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Poltergeist, Salem’s Lot. If this episode is any indication, he’s lost that youthful spark he once had, constructing one of the most unenjoyable films I’ve seen in a while. It reminds me a lot of modern horror where the filmmakers do whatever they can to push the envelope, but do so without any motive other than to push the envelope. There’s edgy and interesting, and then there’s quasi-edgy and awful. I’ll give you one guess where I feel this one lies.
This is the kind of shit self-important teenagers looking to rebel from their Christian parents will enjoy, because it throws an endless assault of profanity, titties and leather at you, without any rhyme or reason. The film is deliberately trying for the style over substance method, but it forgets early on that for this to work, the style must be flawless and intoxicating. Again, maybe if I was a rebellious teen. Adapted from a short story by Richard Matheson, Dance of the Dead further convinces me that either Matheson isn’t the genre visionary everyone makes him out to be or I just need to stop watching shitty adaptations of his stories and read some of the original source material. I should hope that his story was a little more coherent and meaningful than this piece of shit, because there’s very little here to care about. There is something of a good twist ending, but it’s not even enough to make me say “too little too late.”
This is by far the ugliest of the Masters of Horror episodes as well, only bettered by the horrid editing. Hooper continually uses a flickering effect to create the illusion of an interesting occurrence, coupled with shaky camera and quick editing. It is the ultimate sensory assault, and one that belittles the audience at every turn. I hated this one a lot more than Incident On and Off a Mountain Road, which doesn’t seem so bad when compared to this. If nothing else, I’m fairly certain that the series as a whole can only go up from here… at least, I sure hope so.
Will, on October 29, 2011, 5:20 am
Starring Caitlin Wachs, Ron Perlman, Mark Feuerstein, Emmanuelle Vaugier, Bill Dow, Chad Krowchuk, Graeme McComb, Benjamin Rogers
Starring Norman Reedus, Udo Kier, Gary Hetherington, Chris Britton, Zara Taylor, Chris Gauthier, Douglas Arthurs, Colin Foo, Gwynyth Walsh, Christopher Redman, Julius Chapple
Starring Henry Thomas, Matt Frewer, Stacy Grant, Jake D. Smith, Michael Curtola, Katharine Horsman, Paul Wu, Leah Graham, Lucie Laurier
Starring Steven Weber, Carrie Anne Fleming, Brenda James, Harris Allan, Beau Starr, Laurie Brunetti
Starring Jonathan Tucker, Jessica Lowndes, Ryan McDonald, Marilyn Norry, Lucie Guest, Robert Englund, Emily Anne Graham, Genevieve Buechner, Margot Berner, Sharon Heath
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