By  Uncle Jasper, on January 10, 2011, 5:32 am  Wheels on Meals [快餐車] (1984)
Starring Jackie Chan, Yuen Biao, Sammo Hung, Lola Forner, Benny Urquidez, Pepe Sancho, Keith Vitali, Richard Ng
Directed By Sammo Hung
To say that Wheels on Meals was one of the most formative viewing experiences in my history of moviegoing would be a gross understatement. Let me rewind the clock for a moment and plop you back into the (very) early 90s. Collecting cult video was a very social experience back then. There were no such thing as torrents, which reduce finding even the most elusive film to a minor task of a Google search and few simple mouse clicks. Some films, and even entire genres were simply the stuff of legend. If you didn’t have proper connections you had two choices. 1) Improve your network of fellow obscure video collectors in hopes that one of them had the tape you’re looking for, or 2) Expect to pay out the ass for a muddy print of the film you wanted, copied onto a blank TDK tape. Back then greedy convention vendors or cult zine mail order sellers could get away with peddling 12 th generation pan and scan dubs of rare Japanese laserdisc prints or elusive Hong Kong action fare for like 40 bucks a pop. These were your options. So when you finally caved in and threw down the cash for your washed out copy of Meet the Feebles, you were gonna bust out repeat viewings of that film like there was no tomorrow just to get your money’s worth.
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By Uncle Jasper, on November 1, 2010, 5:58 am  C.H.U.D. (1984)
Starring John Heard, Daniel Stern, Christopher Curry, Kim Greist, John Goodman, J.C. Quinn, Michael O’Hare, Hallie Foote
Directed By Douglas Cheek
What was it with toxic waste, nuclear ooze, and mutated shit in the 1980s? Sure everyone usually associates the Ninja Turtles with the toxic monster craze of the time, but really they were only one of many. Films like Alligator, The Toxic Avenger, and Warning Sign kind of spawned this influx of toys, cartoons, and video games all showing kids just how much awesome stuff could result from mankind’s general neglect of his environment and a blanket disregard of chemical safety. And shit, who could argue with them? When you are grossing out girls at the lunch table with Madballs and those little plastic garbage cans with slime inside, nuclear waste seems like the coolest fucking thing in the world… Later, in order to completely confuse and baffle our youth, Captain Planet and the Planeteers was thrown into the mix, announcing to us that this toxic shit was no longer cool. Now in 2010, Captain Planet has been off the air for 18 years and counting, while preproduction has just began on The Toxic Avenger 5… you tell me what message ended up resonating more with our youth?
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By  Will, on July 9, 2010, 5:58 am  Starring Robert Ginty, Lucinda Dooling, John Sanderford, Viola Kates Stimpson, Robert Glaudini
Directed by Charles Band
Expectations: Low. This looks promising, but…
The Alchemist was shot in 1981 but wasn’t released until 1983/1984 in Europe and 1986 in the US. It has a very low-budget look to it that kind of works against my enjoyment, but there was enough here to keep me interested for most of the movie. Part of this could have been the faded VHS source I was watching. I’d love to see it on a nicely mastered DVD, but so far it has yet to be released on the format in the US.
The setup is simple. In 1871, an alchemist lures a woman to his campfire. When her husband comes to rescue her, the alchemist tricks the husband into stabbing his wife. The alchemist curses the man to live as an animal for all of eternity. The credits run over multi-colored slow-motion fire in a great, simplistic sequence. This is a pretty awesome opening and following it, I was ready for an amazing hidden gem of a film.
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By Will, on May 19, 2010, 6:32 am The Neverending Story (1984)
Starring Noah Hathaway, Barret Oliver, Tami Stronach, Moses Gunn, Thomas Hill
Directed by Wolfgang Petersen
Expectations: High, this was one of my movies growing up.
Some movies should stay in your childhood. Today I found out that The Neverending Story is firmly in that category. I still enjoyed it, it just didn’t have the same power that it used to. The main character, a book-loving boy who reads the Neverending Story, reminds me of myself at that age so it’s obvious why I connected to it and enjoyed it back then. Unfortunately, viewing the film as an adult, there just wasn’t enough to keep me interested.
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