Silver Emulsion Film Reviews

Raw Courage (1969)

Will — Fri, 18 May 2012 12:20:42 +0000

Raw Courage [虎膽] (1969)
AKA Tiger’s Courage

Starring Cheng Pei Pei, Yueh Hua, Ng Fung, Lo Wei, Tien Feng, Poon Oi-Lun, Yeung Chi Hing, Ou-Yang Sha-Fei, Lee Kwan, Tong Jing, Lee Sau Kei, Go Ming, Goo Man-Chung, Hung Lau, Yee Kwan

Directed by Lo Wei

Expectations: Moderate. I have a bad feeling about this one.

My bad feelings were all for naught, as Lo Wei’s Raw Courage is a fun, rollicking little wuxia film. It’s not something that will create genre fans, nor is it anything truly substantial, but it is fantastic entertainment. Raw Courage tells the story of an emperor besieged by an army who entrusts his child to Lo Wei and his Black Dragon Clan. In virtually every other Shaw Brothers film from this period involving a baby, there’d be a twenty year jump in time and we’d pick up the story with the young martial artist out looking to find their destiny or avenge their fallen parents/master. In Raw Courage, the baby actually stays a baby as Cheng Pei-Pei and Ng Fung quickly find themselves in charge of taking the infant prince across the country to meet up with the White Dragon Clan. If trying to transport a baby through enemy checkpoints sounds like a good time, then Raw Courage is your barrel of monkeys.

There’s nothing too special about Raw Courage, other than its ability to rise above the standard wuxia storytelling and remain exciting and interesting throughout. There are loads of problems that contribute to the film being less than it should be, but honestly I only noticed after the film was over because I was having such a fun time with it. One of the major flaws is that the villains, while plentiful, aren’t nearly well-defined enough to make for compelling adversaries to our heroes. Tien Feng plays their leader, but basically sleepwalks through a role where his primary task is to walk from one place to another and say, “After them!” It’s hard to blame him. The villain introduced later in the film, a man with a blue-gray face known only as Old Monster, is awesome and really deserved more screen time too. It’s crazy villains like this that would later populate all kinds of wild and fantastic Hong Kong films, so I’m willing to forgive this one a bit just for including him.

Where's Chang Cheh when you need him?

Our heroes are rather charismatic though, which makes up for the villains lack of definition. Cheng Pei-Pei has had much better and meatier roles, but she’s clearly having fun swinging that sword around in her attempts to protect the child from the clutches of evil. This is the first film I’ve seen Ng Fung in—this looks to be his only martial arts film—and he does surprisingly well for a newcomer. There’s a noticeable lack of close-ups of him during the fights, so perhaps a stunt double did all of his fighting, but he (or the double) performs well and is a great counterpart to Cheng Pei-Pei. The film really gets interesting when these two meet up with Yueh Hua, the actor with the effervescent smile that lights up every film he’s in. Yueh plays a goat farmer who helps the heroic duo, before getting drawn into their story and the duo becomes a heroic trio.

Speaking of The Heroic Trio, Raw Courage‘s plot also features a eunuch, but much to my chagrin he is only mentioned a couple of times and never shown on-screen. I’m going to just imagine that Old Monster and the eunuch are one in the same (even though I know they’re not), and call it a day. Old Monster is similar to later film eunuchs in that he’s more powerful than everyone else and he’s somewhat supernatural, so it works for me. But for those that have seen The Heroic Trio, don’t get all excited thinking that Old Monster is anywhere close to the eunuch featured in that film. They’re about as far as two eunuchs can get from each other, and let me tell you from experience, that’s pretty far.

As for the fights, there aren’t many, and what’s here is mostly three-vs.-many battles, but they are much more fun than you’d expect from large-scale assaults. Lo Wei’s camera isn’t nearly as exciting or dynamic as Chang Cheh’s, but he captures the action well and with a lot of energy. The fight towards the middle of the film when they break out of a doctor’s office is especially fun, even if it does feature a lot of undercranking to speed up the motion. One of the other later battles pits our trio against a sea of white-clad enemies. Where’s Chang Cheh when you need him? I’d love to tell you that our heroes sliced and diced their way through each and every one of these baddies in gruesome, tomato-juice spilling ways, but it just ain’t the case. Most of the deaths are completely bloodless, and therefore very unrealistic. I do have to give Lo Wei credit for slowly ramping up the level of bloody violence though, and in the final scene there’s quite a bit of swords through people and bursting blood-filled condoms.

Raw Courage is nothing more than a standard wuxia film, but it’s one that’s very well done and entertaining. The storyline and the settings are different enough to intrigue stalwart genre fans, reminding me a lot of a lighthearted 50s Western before everything turned dark and gritty, which is fairly true of the kung fu genre as well. The film ends on something of a possible sequel note, without any real resolution, but don’t bother searching for it because it doesn’t exist. This is all you get, and for what it is, it’s pretty fun.

Next up in this chronological jaunt through the Shaw Brothers Martial Arts catalog is The Swordmates, from directors Chang Ying & Pan Fan. Let’s hope for a good one.

Stephen reviews: Legend of the Millennium Dragon (2011)

Stephen — Wed, 16 May 2012 12:20:36 +0000

Legend of the Millennium Dragon [鬼神伝, Onigamiden] (2011)

Starring Kenshō Ono, Satomi Ishihara, Shidō Nakamura, Kentaro Ito, Yasuyuki kase, Takashi Kondō, Shotaro Morikubo, Akio Nojima

Directed by Hirotsugu Kawasaki

I love mythology. Myths are the oldest stories we have, and they are a tie to what stories are and why we tell them. Those stories have captivated audiences for centuries and millennia. I am always fascinated by how potent they are, and how they strike to the core of human nature. As an anime fan, it should come as no surprise that I have a special love for Japanese mythology. Legend of the Millennium Dragon is based heavily on Japanese myths, taking some of the more important characters and throwing them into an action film with a hefty dollop of magical explosions. This is exactly the kind of thing I love to see. Except that Millennium Dragon is boring as hell. I really don’t know how you can make huge explosions, hectic sword fights, and furious monsters dull, but they certainly can be. If you doubt me, go ahead and watch this. You’ll learn the sad truth.

Part of this film’s problem is its overuse of computer effects. I don’t just mean that I hate CG and it makes the film look ugly (and boy is that the truth as well), but that Kawasaki seems far too enamored of his ability to pan the camera around. Whole scenes seem devoted to the fact that he can show a panoramic view of the room. He tried to infuse a sense of awe through the film, but it’s only awe at what the computer can do, not at the characters or events. It doesn’t impress, and it doesn’t entertain.

The plot adds nothing of value to the experience either. It’s just a generic tale of a young man who finds out he has some amazing power, and then needs to save the world, or at least ancient Japan, from a rather uninspired villain. Add to that a cheesy “why can’t we all just get along?” theme to the whole thing, and we get a wholly uninteresting story.

I liked the designs for the Oni, and the idea that they are just people wearing war masks rather than monsters, but that was about the only good thing this movie has to offer. Well, there’s also the goofiest and most impractical looking catapult I have ever seen, but that was just unintentional humor. Millennium Dragon tries to impress by making everything huge, and the climax is a contest of one-upmanship with each side simply pulling a bigger monster out its ass, back and forth while you yawn away the evening. But like a cat arching its back to look more menacing, it’s all just fluff.

Mother’s Day (2012)

Will — Mon, 14 May 2012 12:20:33 +0000

Editor’s Note: The film was completed in 2010 and shown at various events, but was never able to secure distribution. It received a theatrical release in the UK in 2011, before finally being released in the states on May 4, 2o12 (in limited theatrical markets) and May 8, 2012 (on DVD/Blu-Ray). IMDB lists it as a 2010 film, but I went with the official US release date of 2012.

Starring Rebecca De Mornay, Jaime King, Patrick John Flueger, Warren Kole, Deborah Ann Woll, Briana Evigan, Shawn Ashmore, Frank Grillo, Lisa Marcos, Matt O’Leary, Lyriq Bent, Tony Nappo, Kandyse McClure, Jessie Rusu, Jason Wishnowski

Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman

Expectations: None. I hate remakes, but this one might be interesting.

I never expected this Mother’s Day to be as good as the original. I also never expected this Mother’s Day to completely dispose of the original’s plot. This film is the definition of a loose remake, using only a few characters and situations from the original and then going hog-wild with home invasion tension and torture from there. Really wasn’t expecting that. It actually works out for me, because watching two versions of the same movie back-to-back could get a bit draining. But expectations and comparisons to the original aside, I can’t say that this film is anything I’d classify as quality entertainment, or quality horror, in that it follows the modern path of the Saw films by making the horror come from what you might be forced to do to survive. It should then come as no surprise to find out that the director of this remake is Darren Lynn Bousman, previously responsible for directing Saw II–IV.

As I hinted at, the story here is a very simple, home invasion hostage situational with dashes of Saw sprinkled in here and there. Two girls interrupt the villains at the ATM? They’re given a knife and thirty seconds to decide who will kill the other to survive. Similar situations happen several times throughout the movie, and while they are never as premeditated and wild as the ones in Saw, they are awfully contrived, especially if you’re aware of the director’s earlier work going into the film (like I was). Apparently this is what passes for horror nowadays, although I refuse to accept it. These types of films and situations come directly out of the reality show obsessed culture, where each week millions watch as friend becomes enemy. In the 80s we were scared of the dark. Now we’re scared of what my friend will do to me if given the chance. Is it just me, or is American culture getting too goddamned paranoid?

For those that have seen the original, and you’re wondering how it became a home invasion movie, well, see this nice suburban house where the wonderful people are partying with their disco tunes in the first few minutes of the movie? That’s the house of Mother and her boys, who lost it in the sea of foreclosures during the collapse of the American economy. See that, that’s social commentary, kids! It is also of note that the family has grown, now including a third brother and a little sister, and their victims are more plentiful as well, numbering about ten or so. The brothers are now average criminals who have just robbed a bank and need a place to patch up their third brother’s bullet wound. They go home, but oops, it’s not home anymore. Guess you shoulda called Mother more often.

While watching this one, I could never shake the feeling of “What’s the point?” Under the surface, it’s just like any other hostage situation movie, albeit one with a gentle/harsh mother running the show. She scoops ice cream one moment, and orders up a hostage to fuck her dying son in the next. Instead of a family entrenched in their consumerist, backwoods mecca, they are a desperate family displaced by corporate greed and bad luck. They deal with this by resorting to bank robbery and a run for the Canadian border, but this changes the story from something creepy and disturbing into an overly violent crime film, whose only ties to horror are the thrilleresque tone & pace and a few gory moments.

I guess for me it’s more a situation of the 1980s Mother’s Day being a great example of that era’s horror film, and this one is also a fair example of this era’s, embodying everything I don’t like about the current state of the genre. It’s not necessarily a bad movie, but it is modern in its horror, and therefore I have a hard time being entertained by it. Am I supposed to enjoy watching these hostages squirm in terror? Are there three times as many characters just to give us shitty scenes of bickering about what they should do? Where the original film’s ending features a triumphant tone as the girls finally muster the strength to exact their revenge, the climax here feels like people who can only barely tolerate one another begrudgingly working together to fight a common evil. Remember that scene where they all partied together as friends? News flash: they all really hated each other and they’re going to choose this specific situation to act on all their frustrations about one another. They literally move to arguing immediately after the shitstorm begins, which is also immediate.

And don’t even get me started on the piece-of-shit ending. The first ending is well done for this tale, and leaves just a hint of ambiguity. Did she, didn’t she? Hmm. Then we get one final scene inserted and aimed directly at the audience that says, “Hey you! Remember that thing that we hinted at in the last scene? Here’s what we were getting at for those of you that have trouble with actually watching and comprehending a movie. Oh, and 2+2 is 4, by the way.” Ugh. I don’t generally watch a lot of mainstream movies (not that this is really mainstream—it barely got a theatrical release in the US), but do they generally end with such hand-holding bullshit?

On the filmmaking front, the film is definitely not an auteur’s masterwork. Far from it. It is a lot better made than I would have expected from a modern horror remake, but there is such an insane overuse of close-ups that it nearly negates any goodwill from other aspects of the production. This isn’t the first time I’ve railed on close-ups in modern film (and it won’t be the last) but goddamn, I think this is one of the worst I’ve seen in a while. The film was shot in a 2.35:1 widescreen ratio, but there’s absolutely no point to using such a wide field if you’re just going to fill it up with tight close-ups of snarling faces. After recently watching Sam Fuller’s House of Bamboo, a stunning example of how to use the ratio to its full potential, Mother’s Day rubbed me wrong even more than normal. Take one scene where one of the villains rips a victim’s toupee off and places it on his head. He says “Look at me!” but the shot is too close on his face to see anything but his face. Obviously it completely ruins the visual impact of him wearing the dude’s rug, and the line only draws attention to it. Moments like these make me question the pillars of humanity and scream to the sky, “WHAT THE FUCK?”

The film is also overlong, at nearly two hours. While most of that time is fast-paced and intense, it really wears down your ability to sit still when nearly the entire film is this group of “friends” being subjected to torture and fucked-up situations. On the other hand, if you are sadistic and enjoy the Saw films, you’ll probably also enjoy this one. It really is intense and features some good acting all around, especially Rebecca De Mornay, but for me it’s just not my thing. My only hope is that Troma gets a take of whatever money this movie manages to make, so that they can make Toxie V and any further films in the years to come. And hopefully, if it ever gets off the ground, the Toxic Avenger remake won’t be another loose retelling in the vein of Saw.

Mother’s Day (1980)

Will — Sun, 13 May 2012 12:20:54 +0000

Starring Nancy Hendrickson, Deborah Luce, Tiana Pierce, Frederick Coffin, Michael McCleery, Beatrice Pons, Robert Collins, Peter Fox

Directed by Charles Kaufman

Expectations: This is one of Troma’s cult 80s hits, I’m excited to finally see it.

On the general scale:

On the B-Movie scale:

“You want your mother to be proud of ya, don’t ya?”

It’s every boy’s dream to make his mother proud, but who among us would kidnap, rape and murder tourists for our mother’s affection? The two brothers in Mother’s Day are willing to do just that, and while their rampage is sadistic and twisted, Mother’s Day is a great horror film. It’s a bit of a twist on Deliverance and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but to call it derivative is missing the fun. Sure, Mother’s Day trades almost completely in genre conventions and clichés, but everything is done effectively and entertainingly, resulting in a film that is pure horror cinema.

Three college friends get together every year for a mystery getaway. This year they end up camping away from all the hustle and the bustle of the city, or in the case of Tiana Pierce’s character the ridiculous pool parties with old men trying to pick up hot-bodied girls with Kubrick quotes. The girls hike into the backwoods and skinny-dip in the lake. Well, duh… this is an 80s horror film. Honestly you don’t need me to explain the setup; you’ve seen it before. Instead, just sit back and enjoy this low-budget gem from Charles Kaufman, Lloyd’s brother, and Troma Pictures!

What sets Mother’s Day apart from countless other backwoods shitty horror movies is its ability to make us care about the characters. Ample time is used to setup the girls, allowing the viewer to make a connection with each one before they enter into the countrified madness the latter half of the film contains. One of the greatest moments of character depth comes when we see a flashback to the girl’s college days and they decide to play a prank on the asshole boyfriend of Jackie, a dude who calls himself “The Dobber”. She lures him into the middle of the college stadium and then, after he’s completely nude, her friends hit the lights and humiliate him over the loudspeaker. Great stuff, and it sets up the three girls as long-standing friends very well, so when they get attacked, it’s shocking and hard to watch. You feel for these girls who, while stupid for going out into the woods, are endearing despite completely fucking up a small town general store on the way there and sliding themselves into the asshole city-folk stereotype so often scene in rural-set horror films. Not that that gives the locals any right to tie them into their sleeping bags and rape them; I’m just merely making an observation.

In addition to all the moments of sheer terror and sadistic depravity, there’s a lot of comedy here as well. Not really the film I’d expect to be played for laughs, but it’s done very darkly and subtly here and it works perfectly. One of the most twisted of these moments is when Mother and her boys force the girls to participate in short plays for Mother’s entertainment, but these plays end with violence or rape. It’s hard to describe how dark moments like this could elicit some humor, but the villains are just corny enough to do it. It’s important to note that this was the intention of Kaufman, so I think it’s fair to say he succeeded.

But my favorite comedic moment is when the boys exercise and hone their skills. This is filmed as a sadistic training montage with a kick-ass synth track bumpin’ the soundtrack all the while. The two brothers throw down their best slices and dices on hanging burlap sacks, baby dolls and cantaloupes with faces drawn on them. It’s fun as shit to watch, but then you remember that these are the same assholes that kidnapped and raped the characters you’ve previously connected and identified with. It’s a fantastic scene, filled with twisted tension, and this duality is another fine example of why Mother’s Day stands out from the crowd.

The acting is also very well done from the entire cast. Beatrice Pons (as Rose Ross) plays the Mother to comic perfection, gaining our trust in the opening moments, and making us cringe during the rest of the film. I guess those self-help classes really do work! She’s empowered to do anything her blessed heart desires! My favorite girl was the bookish Abbey played by Nancy Hendrickson. There’s such a great undercurrent of anger and loneliness running through her character, I couldn’t help but instantly connect with her. This was her only acting gig, so thankfully she did a great job. I always feel bad for the ones that do poorly in their only role.

Mother’s Day has absolutely nothing to do with the holiday it’s cleverly named for, but that’s completely beside the point. This is a fantastic piece of 80s horror and I’m sad I waited this long to finally check it out. It has a gnarly decapitation within the opening minutes (also the film’s biggest gore moment, so set those expectations accordingly), and it features a great, thrilling climax complete with a ridiculously fun, freeze-frame ending. Oh, and I love the character of Queenie. You’ll just have to watch it.

For Your Consideration! It’s time for the Lammys!

Will — Fri, 11 May 2012 12:20:18 +0000

This banner isn't much to look at, but it's a great example of my strong inability to self-promote. That counts for something, right?

“What the fuck are the Lammys?”

For those outside of the movie blogging world, the Lammys are the annual blog awards put on by The Large Association of Movie Blogs AKA The LAMB, so basically the Oscars for movie blogs. And the nomination period has begun! Unfortunately you must be a LAMB to vote, so my legions of undead readers will have to vote me to success someplace else. But if you’re a member, then do I have a pitch for you!

Despite being around and hammering out something like 400 reviews over the past two years, I have a very small following because of my inability to network and self-promote. And if you nominate Silver Emulsion in any of the categories below, I firmly promise to continue the trend of ineffectual marketing, as well as fully providing the category-specific rewards I mention in the pitches below. What can I say, I’ve been inspired by all the Kickstarter posts I’ve read lately. So without further ado, here’s my best foot forward and all that.

Best Blog
I’ll always have the best blog in my heart, but unfortunately you can’t vote for yourself. This is where you come in. In honor of my underdog spirit, if I’m nominated for Best Blog I’ll review 1985′s GYMKATA, 1989′s BEST OF THE BEST, & the entire KARATE KID series.

Best Design
I don’t think I really have a chance in hell of being nominated for ~~anything~~ this category. That being said, if I get nominated I’ll review 1958′s VERTIGO in honor of Saul Bass’s great design work.

Best Community Builder/Networking LAMB
Hahahahaha. This would be the place to enter me as an ironic vote. C’mon, you know you want to. Undermine the system! If I’m nominated I’ll fight the power with a review of 1982′s GANDHI.

Most Prolific
Admittedly, a couple hundred posts a year is nothing within this game; lots of bloggers bust out 400+ posts a year. But 200 reviews in one year is nothing to turn your mouse away from. If I’m nominated I’ll review one of prolific director Takashi Miike’s rare early films: 1992′s wrestling exploitation movie A HUMAN MURDER WEAPON.

Best Blog-a-thon/Meme
Hmmm. I got nothing. I neither created or participated in anything that would fit under this category, so this is the one where I’m really gonna need your help. If I get the nod, I’ll review the entire NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET series.

Funniest Writer
If you’ve laughed at all while reading this, then you know where you must cast your vote. If you need further convincing, perhaps this or this will help. If I get your vote, I’ll resurrect my old idea of reviewing the WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S films, and posting them on the weekend in a series entitled THE WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S. You know you want that.

Brainiac Award
I have my moments, but in my mind I still remain mostly in the shadow of better film critics. But if I get your nomination, I’ll jump headlong into the films of Ingmar Bergman, perhaps WILD STRAWBERRIES and THE VIRGIN SPRING, and try to deliver something insightful.

Best Running Feature
I’ve plugged away at a pace of one review a week on my quest to review every Full Moon feature. If that’s not exciting enough for you, how about a series where I watch all the Shaw Brothers martial arts films in chronological order of release? If you nominate me, in addition to continuing the current series’, I’ll start up my long-awaited and much rumored chronological jaunt through the films of Jean Claude Van-Damme!

Best Ratings System
I use the classic 4 star system, with an extra four stars for B-movies. This allows you to see if a B-Movie is shitty and awesome, or just shitty and boring, easily and quickly. If I get the nomination, I’ll use this amazing, iconoclast rating system to review revered auteur Terrence Malick’s first film BADLANDS, and Troma’s 1987 cult hit REDNECK ZOMBIES.

Best Horror/Sci-Fi Blog
I’m already holding down the fort on horror, but sci-fi could definitely use a shot in the arm. If you get me on the ballot, I’ll review 1982′s BLADE RUNNER and 1981′s SCANNERS.

Best Classic Film Blog
Like sci-fi, I need to beef up the classic film content on the site. That being said, my ongoing series of Sam Fuller film reviews is fun, and most of the Shaw Brothers films would qualify as classics. If I get nominated, I’ll review CASABLANCA, LAWRENCE OF ARABIA and ON THE WATERFRONT.

Best Festival/Awards Coverage
I got nothing. If you nominate me, it’ll because you want me to review the 1993 nominees for Worst Picture at the Razzies: INDECENT PROPOSAL, BODY OF EVIDENCE, CLIFFHANGER, LAST ACTION HERO, & SLIVER.

Best New LAMB
I am eligible for Best New LAMB, and I’ve done nothing but be awesome all year long, so I totally deserve it. If you nominate me, I’ll make good on my site’s tagline and actually review 1941′s CITIZEN KANE and 1984′s THE TOXIC AVENGER.

Best Podcast
I don’t have a podcast, but again I ask you to subvert the system and vote for me. Imagine all that you’ve read, but spoken and in your ear! It would be amazing, let me tell you. In honor of podcasts ruining people’s hearing around the world, if I’m nominated I’ll review 1984′s THIS IS SPINAL TAP & 1979′s ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL.

Best Movie Reviewer
I do my best reviewing the movies I do here, and if it’s worthy of a vote, I humbly thank you. And what might I thank you with? Reviews of 2004′s SUBURBAN SASQUATCH, 1996′s DUNSTON CHECKS IN, and the entire PLANET OF THE APES series, that’s what! I’m goin’ ape for your votes!

Go here to vote if you’re a LAMB!

Seven Swords (2005)

Will — Thu, 10 May 2012 12:20:13 +0000

Seven Swords [七劍] (2005)

Starring Donnie Yen, Leon Lai, Charlie Yeung, Lu Yi, Lau Kar-Leung, Sun Hong-Lei, Kim Soo-Yeon, Michael Wong Man-Tak, Chi Kuan-Chun, Jason Pai Piao, Duncan Lai, Tai Li-Wu, Zhang Jing-Chu, Huang Peng, Ma Jing-Wu

Directed by Tsui Hark

Expectations: Moderate. It seems to have a lot going for it, but I don’t want to get too excited.

Back in my teenage years, Tsui Hark was one of the mystical, incredible directors that I loved. He was responsible for some of the best films Hong Kong had to offer, most notably the Once Upon a Time in China films and Zu Warriors from the Magic Mountain (among many, many others). Like lots of the big Hong Kong directors though, he emigrated over to the US in the late 90s, hoping to find grand success on the larger American stage. Instead, he found heartache and disappointment with a pair of underperforming JCVD films, Double Team and Knock Off. To be fair, I’ve only seen half of Double Team and the first few minutes of Knock Off, something I plan to remedy at some point, but from these small bits one might guess he had lost his knack for filmmaking. Seven Swords is a few years later, but it proves why Hong Kong filmmakers should stay in Hong Kong (unless an American studio is willing to give them free rein, which is never going to happen).

On the surface, Seven Swords is yet another play on the Seven Samurai framework. A helpless village is being assaulted by bandits and they need the help of seven rogue swordsman and all that. Here it’s slightly tweaked where the Emperor has sent out an edict where all practitioners of martial arts are to be killed. General Fire-Wind and his brutal army are parading around the land, killing and beheading whoever fits the bill. They happen upon a remote village and quickly plan their assault. Two of the villagers, along with veteran martial arts choreographer and all-around Hong Kong legend Lau Kar-Leung, venture out to Mount Heaven in search of some help from the hermit swordsmen residing there. So yeah, the setup is very Seven Samurai, but the rest of the movie is anything but.

Tsui Hark thought of this as something of a comeback film, as after his stint in Hollywood he hadn’t really made anything that anyone really cared about, or at least anything that was all that well-regarded. In any case, this is definitely a big movie and one worthy of your time if you’re a Tsui Hark fan. Most importantly it feels like a Tsui Hark film: from the somewhat fractured storytelling to the blurry, jerky slow-motion (as opposed to dreamy, fluid slow-motion) seen in many of his films. But Seven Swords feels grander and larger in scope that many of his previous pictures, with something of a Lord of the Rings feel to it visually. The cinematography is especially great, with all kinds of gorgeously composed shots and colors filling your screen.

What’s the most frustrating about Seven Swords, though, is that it was made in 2005. Due to this, it suffers, as most HK films of the era do, from trying to feel closer to a Western-produced film. The editing here is at time very questionable, and there’s a ridiculous overuse of closeups during the action scenes which obscures a lot of the great choreography. If only this had been made at Hong Kong’s height, the late 80s/early 90s, then we’d see the full potential of a movie about seven badass swordsmen from Mount Heaven with seven badass swords facing off against a horde of devious villains with warpaint and equally devious weapons. To simply dream of what might have been is missing the point that this Seven Swords, the only one that truly exists, is pretty damn good.

It’s also a mistake to think of Seven Swords as an action film; it’s much closer to a new entry in the traditional Chinese wuxia genre that also features some action. It’s very similar to a lot of the early Shaw Brothers pictures in this regard, where the focus was always on the drama over the minutia of the fights, so this can easily derail an action fan looking for ass-kicking fighters to start kicking ass. In this day and age, this has to be a hard film to market, as going this route might win points at an international art film festival, but most Western audiences only want to see Hong Kong action films.

The action that is in the film is pretty good. It seems to get better as the film moves along, with the final battle being absolutely fantastic. Donnie Yen is finally set free and has a great battle with General Fire-Wind that features some of the coolest and impressive wire-work I’ve seen in a while. I was never the biggest fan of wirework in my youth, but as I’ve aged I’ve come to absolutely love it. The final fight is an absolute feast for wire fans, and I’d be remiss not to mention that Lau Kar-Leung, in addition to being in the film, was one of the film’s four action directors. The others were: Stephen Tung, Xiong Xin Xin and Lau Kar-Wing. So yeah, fucking watch this movie.

The acting is uniformly great from the entire cast, and what a cast it is! Donnie Yen is great, of course, but he’s honestly not in the movie all that much. Seven Swords is much more of an ensemble movie without any real main characters, and while Yen is regarded as the top swordsman of the group, he hangs back mostly and lets Lau Kar-Leung lead the way. You’ve also got Leon Lai and Charlie Yeung, adding some 90s HK star power to the bunch, and let’s not forget that Chi Kuan-Chun, star of many 70s Shaw Brothers films including Men from the Monastery, makes a rare appearance here as Dongluo.

But yeah, Lau Kar-Leung! I love him so much and it was his involvement that got me to stop procrastinating and watch this film. After the 90s, Lau pretty much retired from the film business, so anytime he does something it’s cause for celebration. He was responsible for so much of the amazing choreography that helped create and define the martial arts genre at the Shaw Brothers studio and he’s one of my absolute favorites. He was also a fantastic director creating some of the most iconic films the genre has to offer. Little films like The 36th Chamber of Shaolin, Challenge of the Masters or Drunken Master II. He’s also a wonderful screen actor and Seven Swords allows him to give it all one more try. He’s in the movie a lot more than I expected him to be as well.

Seven Swords may start out on a Seven Samurai framework, but it develops into much more than that over the course of the film. I overlooked this one for a long time because I thought it was nothing more than a Chinese re-telling of the tale, but I’m glad I finally watched it. It’s actually more of a Chinese fantasy & swordplay wuxia film and I thoroughly enjoyed it. If you go in with the proper expectations, I think any Tsui Hark fan could get a great time out of this one.

Stephen reviews: Kimagure Orange Road: I Want To Return To That Day (1988)

Stephen — Wed, 09 May 2012 12:20:17 +0000

Kimagure Orange Road: I Want To Return To That Day [きまぐれオレンジ★ロード　あの日にかえりたい, Kimagure Orenji Rodo: Ano Hi ni Kaeritai]
AKA Kimagure Orange Road: the Movie, Johnny y sus amigos: Una difícil elección

Starring Tōru Furuya, Hiromi Tsuru, Eriko Hara

Directed by Tomomichi Mochizuki

This is one of the stranger anime I have seen. It is based upon a romantic comedy series that is heavy on the comedy and light on the romance. In typical anime slapstick mode, it had all sorts of bizarre physical jokes reminiscent of Saturday morning cartoons. A boy named Kyosuke and his entire family had super powers with fairly loose definitions (Think Jedi knights without lightsabers or heroics). They tried to hide their powers from the rest of society, and much of the show revolved around trying to keep it secret. He then becomes entwined in a goofy love triangle with Hikaru, a hyper, obnoxious girl who is obsessed with him, and Madoka, a quiet, temperamental girl who makes a habit of beating up thugs using nothing more than a guitar pick. From my first statement, you probably expect this film to take those concepts to new heights of Japanese weird. Not this time. It is almost pure romance with only a few halfhearted, and failed, attempts at humor. No super powers. No shrill obnoxious whining. No hurtling guitar picks of doom. Just the three main characters and their love triangle. This sudden shift in style and tone from its source material is why I call it strange, and I’m afraid that if there is any explanation, I am unaware of it.

I Want To Return To That Day is the conclusion of the series. I usually avoid reviewing these kinds of movies as they rely too much upon knowledge of the original, but in this instance, I felt that it was so divorced from the series that it can function as a stand alone film. The characters have the same names, faces, and actors, but the movie is so different in personality, style, and content that it hardly feels related to the series at all. There will be some confusion as to the exact relationships of the characters, especially the minor ones, but by the end it should all be sorted out. Or you can just take it from me that the leads are all just friends at the beginning of the film (I told you it was light on the romance), they like to hang out at a coffee shop called ABCB, and Kyosuke has two friends that hit on his younger sisters all the time. That’s about all you need to know, so now you can dive in without worry.

The film has a very subdued nature, without much in the way of exuberant outbursts. Most of the time, even strong emotions are expressed calmly and reasonably. It’s a subtle and elegant kind of storytelling that relies upon paying attention to details, like the way one of the characters lingers before leaving the room as the other two converse together. One of my favorite examples is when Hikaru stands on her toes to kiss Kyosuke, and the scene cuts to the next day with Madoka bobbing up and down on her toes while waiting for him to show up. It’s inexplicit moments like these that advance the plot, with the heavy emotions looming around the edges, building tension rather than exploding center stage. It may not fit the tastes of most western audiences, but any fan of Japanese drama will revel in it.

The film’s really unique aspect is its perspective on the characters’ relationship. It’s not a tale of falling in love; the characters have been in love with each other and too afraid to do anything about it for the entire series. This is a story about a man who finds himself in a relationship he really doesn’t want, but doesn’t quite know how to end, as well as the story of a girl who must come to terms with the fact that the man she loves just doesn’t love her back. I’m no connoisseur of romance stories, but I certainly haven’t heard of many that focus on the end of love instead of its beginning.

Any love triangle must inevitably give one of the characters the shaft, but this film delves into the breakup to the point where it is almost all the film is about. There is an overtone of sadness through the film, but if you’re worried about it turning into something depressing, it doesn’t. It certainly doesn’t end with the wondrous joy of a wedding, and frankly I would have been disappointed if it did, but it doesn’t leave you with a sense of loss. And if you find the ending to be rather inconclusive, be aware that the real ending comes along after the credits. But also be aware that it is another of those subtle moments that doesn’t shove the meaning of the scene down your throat.

It’s rare for me to watch a straight up romance movie, but I wound up enjoying, if not thoroughly loving it. It’s a film that has pretty small appeal; romance fans are probably looking for a story of true love conquering all, and non romance fans aren’t even going to bother with it. But it’s that very oddness that makes me like it. It’s not really my thing, but I loved the subtlety of its storytelling and its unique perspective. If you’re looking for a romance that’s not just more of the same, then this one is definitely worth a shot.

The Dead Want Women (2012)

Will — Tue, 08 May 2012 12:20:12 +0000

Starring Jessica Morris, Ariana Madix, Jean Louise O’Sullivan, Circus-Szalewski, Eric Roberts, J. Scott, Robert Zachar, Jeannie Marie Sullivan

Directed by Charles Band

Expectations: None. Hopefully it’s better than Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt, and something more than a simple softcore film.

On the general scale:

On the B-Movie scale:

“Boys, that’s the thorniest rose I ever met.”

So speaks one of the many party guests during the opening scene of The Dead Want Women, and while it’d be easy to say that the line was a great analogy for the film, it just ain’t. See that would mean that despite the thorns and the discomfort and the blood, you’d have delicate beauty and sweet fragrances. Well… shit, the movie does kind of have all of that (except I’m imagining the sweet fragrances)… so what’s the matter? Through all the smoke and mirrors (and nudity), there isn’t much of a story here—but that’s OK, because it’s remarkably more of a movie than the last couple of Charles Band’s films were! Hurray!

Where his last film, Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt, was nothing more than an exercise in seeing just how boring he could make a movie about girls getting naked, The Dead Want Women is something slightly more. While it does feature a character that is completely nude in every scene she’s in, there’s actually a lot more substance here than you’d expect from Band’s recent track record. The film opens in the late 1920s when *GASP* a silent film star is being put out to pasture as the talkies take over. Fuck me running, if I have to watch another movie with this plot, I’ll kill someone, then make a silent movie about my experience but set it in the late 20s so that my character could be replaced by a plucky newcomer with a great voice, then watch that film and then kill myself. That should be enough to put that tired, old cliché to bed. Are all the film industry’s touchstones to the 1920s gleaned from Singin’ in the Rain? Anyway, our raspy-voiced silent film star isn’t too happy and one thing leads to another and she’s in an underground cave watching her actor friends fuck a couple of nubile females. Oh, these Hollywood types! They so crazy!

There's probably more people in this one scene than in Band's last few films combined.

So much to my surprise, this strongly gratuitous and perversely erotic sex scene is actually the film’s only major softcore moment. Instead, the film is kind of concerned with telling a story. Imagine that! I thought for sure after Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt this would be literally cave-wall-to-cave-wall softcore fucking. But nope, taint the case, and I for one am glad of it. As I mentioned in my review of Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt, I can get hardcore films if I so desire (and so can anyone else with a “brain” and a search engine), so there’s no need to stir it up so thick into my horror movie.

The Dead Want Women feels like a considerably bigger budget film than both Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt and Evil Bong 3D. It’s got a big name in Eric Roberts (and don’t tell me he’s not a great get, the dude was nominated for an Oscar many years ago—and I’m incredibly surprised Full Moon isn’t milking the shit out of that on the DVD cover)! It’s got a big mansion! It’s got like three times as many people in its opening scene than were in Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt! It’s close to actual feature length at seventy-three minutes, even if roughly seven and a half of those are credits! All kidding aside, the film does feel like its got some money behind it, and if there is anything to be taken from that, I hope it’s that Full Moon is doing well and hopefully will begin producing higher quality films again. OK, who the fuck am I kidding? The glory days are over and never to return, but The Dead Want Women does, at least in parts, feel somewhat akin to the old-school vibe that made Full Moon awesome. I can only hope that over the next couple of movies the trend will continue.

With a bigger budget comes better actors and The Dead Want Women is not doing too bad in that department. The girls are gorgeous, the dudes are hamming it up, what else do you want? Jessica Morris is the standout actor, but Eric Roberts is delightfully fun in such a depraved role, and Jean Louise O’Sullivan fits the bill perfectly as the 1920s silent diva. What I found interesting about the three actor friends of O’Sullivan was that they seemed to be based off of actual silent actors/archetypes. Eric Roberts plays the western actor ala Tom Mix, J. Scott is our Fatty Arbuckle stand-in (complete with a Curly from The Three Stooges voice), and Robert Zachar plays a horror icon like Lon Chaney, specifically in the role of The Phantom of the Opera. This is all rather subtle too, for the most part, so I found it encouraging that they even took the time to give these guys any character depth beyond: Fat Guy, Skinny Guy and Tall, Handsome Guy. Oh, and did I mention the girls, especially Jeannie Marie Sullivan, are fuckin’ smoking hot? Holy shit, they really knocked it out of the park on this one. Just sayin’.

Nixon Lives On!

You might ask, do these subtle strokes of depth translate beyond these characters and influence the filmmaking at all? Why yes, it seems they do! There are lots of long takes and thoughtful glances, but while a newcomer to Full Moon might interpret these moments as artistic flourishes on the part of Band, I know them for exactly what they are—stalling. His recent films all barely crack the hour mark, and while this one does run a full seventy-three minutes, god only knows how much time is lost by hanging on the shots of the meaningless painting, the pool grotto, the forlorn actress, or the cherub that kinda looks like Richard Nixon (I’ll admit, I could have used more shots of him). Or maybe I just don’t “get it”. Please someone enlighten me if you see some artistic beauty here.

*crickets*

I thought so. That being said, these delicate moments of padding, and the very well-done musical score by William Levine (who also wrote the scores for the entire Subspecies series), help to create one of the best modern-era Full Moon films. Yes, that’s what I said: one of the best modern Full Moon films. The Dead Want Women is still full of shitty padding and the plot is a step below threadbare, but what is here is well-crafted and remarkably better than their other recent offerings. Regardless of the negatives, the film still remains entertaining and somewhat enjoyable—and that’s not just the naked ladies whispering in my ear.

He kind of reminds me of Robert Z'Dar if his jaw was smaller, which is funny because the actor's name is Robert Zachar.

One of my major disappointments though was with Robert Zachar’s character. In an early scene they show him with this gigantic scar/boil/growth (It’s not a tumor!) on his chest, which suggests that perhaps he was a self-mutilator or slowly rotting corpse or zombie or something, but unfortunately they never reference or explain this strange visual. I’m just glad they saw fit to waste the few bucks on the latex for the appliance though, because it made the scene far more interesting, as I wondered what the hell it was supposed to be, and what it might mean.

The Dead Want Women isn’t much of a horror movie, and it isn’t anything spectacular, but it is far better produced and more enjoyable than Full Moon’s other recent films. It does get rather tedious towards the end, but then, completely unexpectedly, you get a wonderful, ripe head explosion and, at least for me, a head explosion paves the road to forgiveness pretty damn quick. Don’t believe the RedBox reviews, the ending is cool and its ambiguous nature is one of the best things this film has going for it. While Band’s artistic muscle is obviously atrophied from lack of exercise, The Dead Want Women does its best to be slightly artful among the depravity. It’s kinda fun and shitty at the same time. It’s not camp, but I enjoyed it and I hope it signals a return to better filmmaking for Band and company.

The Dead Want Women is available now at your local RedBox! Go hit that shit up! It’s so fun to see a Full Moon movie alongside equally shitty, but much higher profile films, and then imagine some unsuspecting housewife renting them and expecting something else!

The next film I’ll be doing in the Empire/Full Moon series is a very rare flick, unreleased in the US and produced by Charles Band, JR Bookwalter’s Deadly Stingers!

Vengeance is a Golden Blade (1969)

Will — Fri, 04 May 2012 12:20:20 +0000

Vengeance is a Golden Blade [飛燕金刀] (1969)

Starring Chin Ping, Yueh Hua, Tang Ching, Kao Pao Shu, Goo Man-Chung, Pang Pang, Lee Pang-Fei, Chiu Hung, Law Hon, Ngai Ping-Ngo, Wong Ching Ho, Hao Li-Jen, Tsang Choh-Lam

Directed by Ho Meng-Hua

Expectations: High. You can’t go wrong with that title, right?

The reason I made it a point to go through the Shaw Brothers films chronologically is because I knew that there was no way that one week I could review some early misstep like King Cat, followed by something akin to heaven like Five Element Ninjas, only to return to the slow-paced, melodrama of the late 60s. Sometimes I do venture outside of the era though, and this time specifically I had seen Merantau, Flash Point and The Raid all in between the last Shaw Brothers picture and this. I’m a professional though, so I didn’t let it undermine the experience of watching Vengeance is a Golden Blade, but it did shine a brilliant spotlight on just how underwhelming an experience it was.

Vengeance is a Golden Blade starts out as another in the long tradition of “the most badass sword” movies, such as The Sword of Swords, The Thundering Sword, etc. The masterpiece sword here is the Golden Dragon Sword, and it is pretty badass, slicing clean through every bit of metal swung its way. The intrigue involves the sword being stolen by a grave enemy, the hero being crippled and eighteen years passing before anyone gets down to any real vengeance. This is where the film gains its true star in Chin Ping, and, to a lesser extent, her childhood friend Yueh Hua. While this might sound like a great setup for a classic swordplay film, Vengeance is a Golden Blade is only merely average. It does tell an interesting story filled with twisty turns and devious betrayals, but for the most part it’s all pretty standard fare.

Even without watching some modern martial arts films recently, I have to be honest and tell you that coming back to this style of traditional, overwrought, melodramatic swordplay film is hard for me anyway. The last few films in the Shaw Brothers series have all been Chang Cheh films, and two out of three were excellent. While Dead End wasn’t everything I hoped it would be, at least it was something different for a Hong Kong film, and therefore somewhat worth watching. But The Flying Dagger and The Invincible Fist were both easy favorites of mine from this era, and although I’m sure it has its fans, the fact that a film as average as Vengeance is a Golden Blade got a legitimate US DVD release, while the previously mentioned films are only available on out-of-print Region 3 discs is ludicrous. Are the rights to these films really that hard to secure, or are the people choosing these films just not fans?

One of my major issues with the film is its use, or lack thereof, of the amazing sword. The Golden Dragon Sword is trotted out in the opening minutes to great effect, only to be promptly stolen and hung on a wall for the next ninety minutes. Tang Ching (who expertly plays Chin Ping’s father) forges the sword’s equal, The Hanglong Sword, in the eighteen years between cuts in the film, but after it is finally finished, does it get taken out to exact vengeance? Nope, it spends most of the remainder of the film at the bottom of a well. There’s even a fight very close to the end that makes no sense to me because neither of the combatants wield their storied blades. Part of me ~~expected~~ wished the following subtitles to flash onto the screen mid-fight:

“I have the most badass sword in the land, The Golden Dragon Sword, but I left it at home!”

“Good! Because I have the only sword that can counter the most badass sword in the world, The Hanglong Sword, but my father threw it down a well.”

C’mon. This is where later Shaw Brothers (and my knowledge of them) gets the better of me, because when they start throwing out claims of the most badass sword, I expect its badass nature to be shown to me, graphically. I try my best to remember that this is 1969 before they’d really gone down the wild path in Hong Kong, but sometimes I just can’t help but be disappointed from my seat in the future. At least I know full well that by the time they got to the mid-70s, it was pretty much full-bore all the time.

So what can I say? I didn’t much like Vengeance is a Golden Blade but it’s far from a bad film. It’s all well-acted and well-produced, but its wasted potential really got to me. Ho Meng-Hua is usually good for a fun, fantasy swordplay but surprisingly the fantasy elements were limited to some ambitious wirework (for the time) and a few moments at the intro with the Golden Dragon Sword. Chin Ping’s had better movies, as have Yueh Hua and Ho Meng-Hua, but if you’re in the mood for some 60s melodrama, this one’s not too bad and it’s got a fun story to boot. Just don’t expect it to light your world on fire.

Oh, and because I just can’t let this go unsaid: there’s a wicked awesome decapitation that ends the best fight in the film. That was worth all the thick melodrama right there.

Stephen reviews: Slayers: the Motion Picture (1995)

Stephen — Wed, 02 May 2012 12:20:48 +0000

Slayers [スレイヤーズ, Sureiyâzu]

Starring Megumi Hayashibara, Maria Kawamura, Osamu Saka, Tessho Genda, Minami Takayama

Directed by Hiroshi Watanabe & Kazuo Yamazaki

As you might have guessed by the title, Slayers: the Motion Picture is by no means the first product in the Slayers franchise. But unlike other anime movies, this is not a summary of a longer series or a sequel relying on previous events. It has no influence on the rest of the series, nor does the rest of the series influence it in any meaningful way, and its place in the timeline is mostly indeterminate. (Various websites assure me it’s a prequel, but there is nothing in the film to indicate that.) Therefore, it makes as good an entry point as any to the series.

Rather than the usual gang of misfits the series centers around, main character and master wizard Lina Inverse is wandering around on her own and is soon dragged off by fellow sorceress Naga to visit the famous hot springs of Mipross Island. I’m glad they kept the cast small, as the movie avoids the pitfalls of huge casts that plague many other anime films. Instead it is a classic odd couple routine where the two conflicting personalities of Lina and Naga collide.

Lina plays the role of the straight man, though she has quirks of her own. She is, despite being short and scrawny, quite gluttonous, and she’s overly concerned about her breast size, a weakness that Naga, who is tall and voluptuous, exploits whenever she gets the chance. Naga is haughty and condescending with a perception of the world that can really only be described through example, such as when she creates a stone monster with a head the size of a house atop a body roughly the size of a person. The poor misshapen thing soon topples over and crushes everything beneath it. It goes on a “rampage” destroying half the town in a futile quest to simply stand upright. The film is full of memorably absurd moments that surprise and amuse. I was never falling out of my chair with laughter, but the humor works well and kept me engaged with the film, and it has the best reaction to a zombie assault I have ever seen.

As with the rest of the series, this movie is a parody of Tolkienesque fantasy with elves and monsters and wizards galore. Its plot mostly revolves around the sinister machinations of what appears to be Kermit the Frog’s fat redneck cousin and a mysterious voice that invades Lina’s dreams, telling her an ancient love story which becomes important to the plot.

It takes a turn for the serious at the end of the film, and it does so with a surprising fluidity. Without paying attention, you might find yourself in the middle of genuine drama and wonder just how the hell it happened. It occurs in a scene when Lina begins chanting her ultimate spell of supreme badassness, Dragon Slave. It drags out the moment for a good minute or so, and attentive viewers might question why, especially anyone who has seen the series and knows that Lina can pop that spell off at the drop of a hat if she wants to. But that scene subtly alters the tone of the film, slipping the audience into a less frivolous mood. From then on the film is straightforward action, and it might be a while before you say to yourself, “Hey, when was the last time they told a joke?”

This serious part of the film isn’t as grand or impressive as it wants to be, but it gets the job done. The pacing during this section feels a bit jerky at times but, again, it gets the job done, neither inducing boredom, nor causing too much confusion. A bigger concern is Lina’s shift from opportunistic mercenary to determined hero. It’s sudden, and gives the end of the film a cheezy feel that’s a bit disappointing. The two different modes of the movie clash with each other, but at the end it tries to fix things. With a several second shot of Lina’s resigned smile it reconciles the conflicting nature of both the film and Lina’s character. It’s a subtle and impressive moment that is easily overlooked, and it mostly works. Mostly. It doesn’t completely dispel the awkward feel of that last part, but it’s enough that I’m willing to let it slide. Others may not be as forgiving, though.

The ending can come across rather sappy, but it still has more than its fair share of good laughs. And really, who cares if the plot is a little hokey. It’s a fun ride, and that’s all it was ever meant to be. Just kick back looking for a good time, and it will deliver.

[Editor's note: The trailer has embedding disabled, but you can watch it on Youtube.]