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By  Will Silver, on January 31, 2012, 5:20 am  Starring Linnea Quigley, Ken Abraham, Michael Aranda, Richard L. Hawkins, Ashlyn Gere (as Kim McKamy), Joi Wilson
Directed by David DeCoteau
Expectations: Low. Early DeCoteau has burned me before, but the poster looks fun.
On the general scale:
On the B-Movie scale:
I think the best place to start a review of Creepozoids is with the typed narrative intro that informs viewers of the world they are about to inhabit. It reads as follows:
1998 — Six years after the superpowers have engaged in a devastating nuclear exchange,
Earth is now a blackened husk of a planet.
Tiny clusters of survivors eke out a miserable existence in the ruins of the cities, and bands
of deserters roam the barren wastelands… hiding from mutant nomads and seeking shelter
from the deadly acid rains.
This exciting and somewhat clichéd setup is already more story than director David DeCoteau’s first film, Dreamaniac, had, and for the most part Creepozoids delivers on the promises set forth in the text. During the opening credits our group of heroes traverse the burned out urban wasteland, looking to find some shelter before another round of acid rain showers the Earth. Luckily they find what they seek, but unbeknownst to them, they’ve all sought refuge in a government science installation tasked with creating a higher form of life. Since this is a sci-fi/horror film, of course “higher form of life” means a ruthless, unstoppable monster.
Continue reading Creepozoids (1987) →
By Will Silver, on January 3, 2012, 5:20 am  Starring Rick Gianasi, Mary Fahey, Ron Reynaldi, Taunie Vrenon, Bill Peterson, Mark Umile, Stormy Spill, Doug Devos, Warren Ulaner, Mark Legan, Asie Kid, LeeAnne Baker
Directed by Tim Kinciad
Expectations: Low, but I hope for some good B-Movie fun.
On the general scale:
On the B-Movie scale:
Mutant Hunt is another Tim Kincaid joint that delivers on the promise his previous films Breeders and Robot Holocaust built up: shitty plots with shitty acting. Where Breeders had little to redeem itself (unless ridiculously gratuitous nudity or women bathing in alien cum is your thing), Robot Holocaust was actually enjoyable in its shittiness. Thankfully, Mutant Hunt continues the upward trend and is easily the most enjoyable Tim Kincaid movie I’ve seen yet. That’s not to say it isn’t a piece of shit though.
I’m really not capable of summarizing the plot of Mutant Hunt. I seriously zoned out every time the characters spoke; my mind compelled me to think of something else every time they started speaking, something of a fail-safe system I guess. What I was able to pick up between battles with my mind dealt with an evil genius with a bunch of cyborg mutants that have been given a drug that makes them find pleasure in killing a human every six hours. After one robot mutant rips the head off of another (the movie has my full attention at this point), the fleet of mutants goes out on the street to kill some mortals. Somehow a few people band together to hunt said mutants, but I was unable to grasp why or how they were connected to the story overall. I know they were at some level, but like I said, I couldn’t fight that fail-safe on my brain.
Continue reading Mutant Hunt (1987) →
By Will Silver, on December 27, 2011, 5:20 am  Starring Jason Faunt, Marissa Tait, Eric W. Edwards, Sacha Spencer, Tyler Anderson, Alicia Lagano
Directed by David DeCoteau (as Martin Tate)
Expectations: Moderate. I don’t know quite what to expect.
In my review for Blood Dolls, I offered up the hypothesis that 1999 might be the turning point year for the quality of Full Moon’s output. I decided to test that theory with Totem, the 6th 1999 Full Moon film I’ve seen. Much to my surprise, I really enjoyed this one as, at least in the beginning, it seemed as if they were actually concerned with making an intriguing film. I know, strange concept, but trust me it works.
The film opens with a four-and-a-half-minute opening credit sequence. Whenever Full Moon extends the credits out like this, it usually spells disaster for the following film, as the need to fill time can only mean that the film is in need of help. When that film is only sixty-seven minutes total (and that’s including 10.5 minutes of credits!), Totem is definitely in need of some TLC, but no matter where it goes wrong it gets a couple of major things right in its first half (that’s minute 4.5 – minute 32.5). Totem actually delivers on the overarching Full Moon promise on a film that contains horror and thrills alongside hilarity. The film is something of a combo of The Evil Dead and Puppet Master, and while it doesn’t come anywhere close to equaling either of those films, this minor Full Moon work is perfect entertainment for fans of the company.
Continue reading Totem (1999) →
By Will Silver, on December 23, 2011, 5:20 am  Starring Lilyan Chauvin, Gilmer McCormick, Toni Nero, Robert Brian Wilson, Britt Leach, Nancy Borgenicht, H.E.D. Redford, Danny Wagner, Linnea Quigley, Leo Geter, Randy Stumpf, Will Hare
Directed by Charles E. Sellier Jr.
Expectations: High, I’ve heard good things.
Argh, this one is just shy of being absolutely phenomenal. The first half is full of incredibly well-done psychological horror, showing the fucked up childhood of Billy and how the damage is manifesting itself throughout his life. About halfway through the film devolves into the sadist slasher movie I expected the whole thing to be and it loses a lot of the steam it had built up. Oh well, even with this frustrating issue, Silent Night, Deadly Night is a fantastic slice of 80s horror and any fan of the genre should definitely check this one out.
The film opens with a family traveling to visit Grandpa in the nursing home. He’s silent and apparently trapped in his head, but when left alone with his grandson Billy, suddenly Grandpa comes to life. He tells Billy about how Santa doesn’t just bring presents to those children that are good, he also punishes kids that were naughty. And not just mostly good, you gotta be ALL good or else Santa will punish you! Billy trembles in fear, and later when they’re traveling home and they stop to help out a Santa with car trouble, Billy freaks out. When this Santa, who happens to be a criminal in disguise, attacks and kills Billy’s parents, the concept of a pleasant, jovial Santa is forever eradicated.
Continue reading Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) →
By Will Silver, on December 21, 2011, 5:20 am 
AKA “Silent Night, Evil Night”, “Stranger in the House”
Starring Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea, Margot Kidder, John Saxon, Marian Waldman, Andrea Martin, James Edmond Jr., Doug McGrath, Art Hindle, Lynne Griffin, Michael Rapport
Directed by Bob Clark
Expectations: Pretty high. This is a genre classic that I’ve heard nothing but good things about.
Like the ending of Black Christmas, my feelings about the film are ambiguous and require some thought. Usually I can assign a rating to a film within a few moments of finishing it, and some I can predict a rating while watching. With Black Christmas, I’m unsure whether I saw one of the best 70s horror films or one of the most boring and obvious. Watching Black Christmas, one of the earliest recognizable slasher films, for the first time in 2011 definitely isn’t doing the film any favors as its plot twists are pretty apparent to anyone who’s seen any major slasher film. Well fuck, let’s be real here, the plot twists would be obvious to anyone paying attention to the movie, even if they’ve never seen a slasher film.
The story is pretty basic: a sorority house receives strange, sexually aggressive phone calls while a weirdo murderer lurks about in their attic. That’s pretty much it. The film is built upon the premise that you identify with the girls of the sorority, most notably star Olivia Hussey, as she slowly confronts the evil that stalks her. For this to work, the audience must be able to place themselves in her shoes and in her mind; we must live within her fears. This is where Black Christmas fails because right from the first scene we’re also privy to the mind of the crazed killer. We follow him from outside the large sorority house as he climbs the trellis and slides his way into attic. As the film moves along we jump perspectives between the girls and the killer, further allowing the audience to know more than the characters they should be identifying with, and therefore many of the scenes that should be tense and full of scares are pointless and drawn-out because we know exactly where the guy is! Continue reading Black Christmas (1974) →
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